Musings…

Have been asking God to help me to “be angry and not sin”(Ephesians 4:26). I don’t know how to fight and not get heated and take things personally. Since beginning to make this request…more and more situations are coming across my path resulting in my frustration, irritation and anger. Works that way don’t it ? But the grace (the empowering strength to not give in) of Yah is sufficient to help me in all of my weakness…..and when I give in to anger, it helps in humbling me to apologize to Him and the recipient of my wrath (most often my family).

That bothers me too….it seems the ones that it is hardest to exercise 1 Corinthians 13 love with are the ones that I care the most about. But if I am not those things with my family who know me the most, see me at my worst and still don’t leave, am I truthfully operating in those things with anyone in my life or am I just good at putting on a mask? Probably a little of both.

Most day’s I awake with a song, a chorus, a melody line running through my head – on the really good days I’ll wake to hearing the music dripping off my lips in seeping morning murmurings. It started during my internship; I would often wake to the sound Clay Edwards or Richard Liantonio singing in my mind. This morning it was a – maybe Enter the Worship Circle – ” Pour out Your fire Lord, upon Your people”. A good encouragement to wake up to on a Tuesday ūüôā

Tuesday

Monday’s are my Sabbath day – the day in my week that is set aside to refresh and restore my body, mind, soul and spirit. A day of rest……and fires ūüôā My parents have given me, somewhat of a large metal chiminea that sits in my back yard underneath a large oak tree.¬† On the best of my Sabbath’s¬†we will start a fire between 10pm and midnight, typically being joined by a handful of friends, my brother Jeremy and my sister Katrina, and¬†it won’t¬†end until 6 or sometimes 7am. Spreading out a blanket and plopping down with my bible, journal, guitar and a couple of books, I will leave only for a new cup of tea or to use the restroom. Typically during the day on Monday I do any necessary errands, laundry and my weekly cleaning, making the following¬† hours before the crackling wood even more¬†precious; to find time to read and write in the business of life, especially it seems, life here at IHOP is a luxury that I make sure to schedule in and fight to keep.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. The weather was perfectly comfortable and the falling leaves were amazing! I’d raked a path to the “fire pit” and lit the wood around 2 am, was soon joined by a friend who stayed till 7. We spent the hours talking of the Lord and encouraging one another with the Word of God. And now it’s Tuesday.

It seems like the better my Monday’s are, the harder it is heave myself out of bed on Tuesday.¬†¬†Tuesday’s are a corporate fasting day at IHOP, on this day every week we focus each of our intercessory prayer meetings on the nation of Isreal; fasting and praying for salvation for God’s chosen people. And as usual the Tuesday fasting day has found me grumpy, impatient, irritated and wanting green beans. One thing I DO enjoy about fasting is the thankfulness for food when we’re done, and seeing as how Thanksgiving is in two days, I couldn’t talk myself out of it today.

So here’ s to not eating today IHOP! Here’s to¬†your dedication to praying for Israel¬†everytime you don’t¬†feel like it, and can’t remember why, Here’s to the Tuesday’s that you go to the prayer room and weep for the hearts of the Jewish nation, here’s to fasting and believing that the Lord is tenderizing your heart, that He hears your weak prayers and that each one of these day’s matter in the grand scheme.

The Beginning

Well here we are! I’ve finally set up the promised blog to keep you all in the loop of my life as an Intercessory Missionary.

It is Saturday evening at 8:50pm, I am currently working at my little desk in the Staff Development Office (we’ve changed the name from Sacred Trust). My task of the day; Data Entry. I’m working on updating our staff files on the IHOP website, and it should take most of my office time for the next few months- very mundane yet oh so helpful ūüôā

The webstream is playing in the background of my computer, a Misty Edwards solo devo, and my heart is so tender I could weep in a moment if I let myself.  

Refiners Fire, my hearts one desire is to be Holy – set apart for You Lord. I choose to be Holy – set apart for You my Master, I am ready to do Your will.

These last few weeks there has been a renewed thankfulness in my heart for this place and a renewed¬†energy for the violence it takes to lay hold of the¬†Kingdom (Matthew 11.12), “Lord how is it that¬†You have¬†brought me to this place at this time in history? There is no¬†other thing I would rather do, than pour out my life at Your feet,¬†to be found loving You with everything inside of me, and to be¬†Your friend.” I’ve felt such¬†grace to focus my heart in prayer and in bible study; it’s as though the moment I quiet my mind to speak to Jesus, I feel His undistracted attention on me, as though He’s been waiting for my voice, for my eyes. He’s beginning to convince me that my weak prayers move the very heart of Heaven, in these moments when it seems that He is nearer than my skin.

Cause I know You want to be found, so much more than I want to find you – and I love the way You hide, so that I will search You out, You’re saying ‘Come away come away, I want to meet with you…’

Surely there is a fire burning inside of me; the God of all Creation has set His affections on this weak and broken heart. How can I not give Him my heart, my love, my life?

You’re a mystery, like poetry Like a parable a rhyme or a riddle – You’re a mystery, You’re wrapped in clouds, You’re shouting so loud just waiting to be discovered, You’re a mystery You’re so intriguing, You’re a mystery so inviting –¬† You saved yourself for the weak, the broken and the meek and only the hungry dine, only the thirsty drink deep. You saved yourself for the needy You saved Yourself for me…. – You’re a mystery