wrapped in clouds

Spent several hours of last night in my room. This might sound lame  but let me paint for you a portrait of my favorite place. Stepping through the doorway you will stoop under a lace curtain gently drawn to the side to see the bedroom that is shared by my sister and I;  happy yellow walls, wooden floors, 2 windows (thoroughly covered in black due to our nocturnal lives). Behind the heavy black curtains the windows are also graced with lace.  Immediately to your left is a wall and corner that we will come back to. Covering most of the next wall, pressed in the corner and underneath the long window is our set of bunk-beds, next to it are some plastic shelves of katrina’s, her dresser the window and the other corner. The next wall finds the bathroom door followed by our big mirrored closet doors. (Wood floor+ big mirrors = great dancing room) and we are back to the door. Going back to corner on the left.

Shoved in the small space between the wall and the bunk-beds are a small makeshift dresser created by two  two-shelf nightstands stacked on top of each other. My old housemate Hannah and I found them on the side of the road, toted them home (totally misjudging the weight!) cleaned them off…..and they didn’t look too bad 🙂 The wood panels on the top were kind of gross but I covered it in a lace panel, and the dark wood and antiqued handles look awesome. With a couple of candles and a small painted white china lamp on top it looks great next to an old dark wood bookshelf. This leaves a space of about 2foot by 2foot, perfect for a floor cushion  and is  “My niche”.

I love to curl up in this little corner and read, with the curtains open in the daytime, and surrounded by candles at night. It also is my place to wait out the bad migraines. I’ve been spending a lot of time in this corner lately, with this recent bout light seems to be the worst enemy, so most nights have found me reading my Bible and praying by the light of a single candle. Interestingly enough I’ve had some real spiritual breakthrough the last few nights; the Holy Spirit has been my companion, reminding me of Jesus and leading me into truth, even as my frame rages against me.

But as for me I will always have hope….(Psalm 71.15)

Tenderness before God…I remember why I like fasting.

am currently fighting a migraine I’ve been fighting for a week and a half. Nearly 2 months ago after a powerful encounter with the One who is Mercy…the cloud lifted. For nearly two years a “cloud” had rested over my head; pressure, oppression, loss of memory, fuzzy thoughts, debilitating migraines. There would be seasons when the migraines would lessen retreating back to the occasional as throughout my childhood but the cloud never lifted. After the encounter I didn’t have the slightest of a headache for nearly two weeks, then only a handful of migraines after a month, then a month and a half. And then last week started. As I fight for freedom and to not loose hope, it feels as though I’m fighting for my destiny; Wholeness in God.

But I know the One who makes all things new. Though excited and encouraged I’m not satisfied with a partial healing.

My heart also hurts today as I wait for more news on the shooting in Omaha. I remember driving to work last spring, gazing at the sky over the city and thinking, “You have never been more ready to pour out Your Spirit on this city Father, please come.” A soft prophetic voice in Omaha passed into Glory on Saturday I envy you Mr.Dale, you are with the One that I long for. Yhwh pour out Your Spirit in Omaha, surely we need You like never before.

strong currents

are rustling the branches that are stripped almost bare on this, the first of December 2007. The Lord told me that this was a year of fullness for me, it seems like only weeks ago, but back in January. And what  a full year it has been.

I’ve been re-stirred as of late, to give myself in a more focused way to ; Colossians 3. 1-3

Therefore, you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right had of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on the earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

There are times when something says to calm down, pull back, ‘you’re going a little too far, you’re being a little extreme, your heart is good, but chill out a little bit’. And there are times when something inside of me whispers, ‘there must be more than this….’ I read the stories of those who were found faithful or those who You called Your friends. John the Baptist, Moses, Phineas, Mary of Bethany, not to mention the revivalist, David Brainerd, Jonathan Edwards, so many who touched something that I’ve barely dreamed of, and I long. What does it take to be found faithful, what can I give? A friend gently reminded me the other day that ‘our righteousness is as filthy rags’ we could actually get all of the outward things in order, but still be just as far from Your heart as when we started, no it’s our hearts you are after.

In a dream a week ago, a man with burning eyes looked at me and gently said, “I’ll tell you what you are still missing, what you are still lacking. You still don’t have the fire, you still aren’t burning yet.” When I told the dream to one of my leaders, he looked at me  with tears pooling in his eyes and related to me his desire to go back to the first things. “I’m forgetting what it was that brought me here, I remember when I used to pray, ‘God use me, speak to me, I will listen, I will be faithful, I will obey, wake me up in the night God, I will sit with You and listen to Your heart’ and I’ve been so busy lately with so many good things and so many responsibilities, but I’m thinking, ‘God demote me if You need to, I don’t care, I just have to get back in the Prayer Room, back to remembering why I love you’ I can’t let my heart become dull.”

As usual, I have Misty playing on the back of my computer…

How far will you go to know Me?Loneliness can not be avoided, but I will meet you there.

Earlier she was singing of the parable of the 10 virgins

for when it all come down to getting oil, it all comes down to how I spend my time. So give me grace (that empowering strength) to take the scroll and eat it, cause it’s a matter of life or death. Oh I want to be a friend of the Bridegroom, I want to be a friend of the Judge

I’ve been listening to Allen Hood’s series called The Play-fullness of God, it’s been SUCH a good thing, being moved by the kindness in the heart of our Father, the delight that He has in His children, and to Shelley Hundley’s series The Turn Word, being reminded of why intercession is imperative, why we can not hold back in this hour of history.  Oh Father let us be found faithful, Jesus pour out Your heart to us (Proverbs 1.23) We will turn, we will listen.