Christmas Eve 2008

I’m having a moment.

Alone in my office, on Christmas eve, actually I think I’m the only one on this side of the missions base.  Wrapping up details for Onething and listening to Grace Kim’s worship with the word set from yesterday afternoon. It was when she began to sing “Oh Lord You’re Beautiful”, a classic by Keith Green, that it happened.

In all honesty it’s been a long time since I’ve had a moment. During the 2 1/2 months in San Diego there were many, when suddenly the Lord would reach out and grab onto my heart and in a breath He was nearer than my skin; world with it’s woe’s forgotten with one glance into eyes that consume me.  Coming back to Kansas City brought a season of in depth soul searching; what do I believe about God and man, what do I believe about myself, and it’s been quite awhile since a moment has occurred between me and the man whom I love.

January 13th will mark the one year anniversary of switching off the Nightwatch. On January 12th i stayed late in the prayer room listening to Grace actually, and weeping in my favorite place in the world, the back of a small room, in a little corner that I’d marked my own 2 years before, grieving because I was leaving the most real community I’d know in my life, and afraid of the unknown.

But my Father He is God, and He knows just how to lead me.  The journey of this little soul is a simple testimony of the faithfulness of the Lord when we cling to His hand, and even when we don’t.  It’s true my relationships all changed and many good friends became acquaintances due to life and business, and I’m realizing what really matters and which friendships are worth the struggle. Treasures came in the form of new friendships in perfect timing when my soul felt the most estranged. Guidance came in moments when my eyes were the most darkened, my mind the most confused, and comfort came in the Spirit of God breathing on my cold heart and drawing me near when I was far.

Through consistant change, revolving relationships, and storms from within and without, there is one thought that has become clear, one goal that has revealed itself solid in my heart;

Even the sparrow has found a home, a place near Your alter. My soul yearns, and even faints for the courts of the Lord. Happy are those who dwell in Your house, happy are those who’s strength is revealed in weakness, whose strength is the Lord. Their hearts are set on a pilgramage (Ps.84)

Through 2009 and every year to come, draw my eyes away from this world that is crumbling in it’s place. Lift my eyes to a city that is come, to a Man who is returning. You will finish what You started.

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