12:36am

sitting in my living room across from my brother Nathan, dog curled up at his feet, items strewn across the room giving a glimpse into the chaos of the last week as we prepared for yesterday’s wedding.

My brother Jeremy is a married man today. I’ve never known a man who has wanted to be married for as long as J, or as badly.  He never dated until Jen, never kissed her until yesterday, but he has ached for a bride for years. And yesterday, with tears pouring out of eyes that could not blink them away, he absorbed her as she walked down the aisle with a smile that lit up the room shaded by the clouds dripping outside.

My father has been doing a countdown with J, sending him texts every day saying “4 more days and a wake up”. I was the first bridesmaid down the aisle, and as I passed my dear friend he winked and I whispered “no more wake ups”.  Katrina caught him just before they left the reception and he told her that just as the ceremony was about to start he saw the two of us looking in the windows and couldn’t help but cry.

It was a beautiful wedding. Pouring rain onto a glass chapel set on the edge of a lake, like the Lord was dripping grace on the couple and all who had gathered. Jen was gorgeous, and Jeremy was never more a man in my eyes than when he sobbed as she approached him, and the moment he slipped off his purity ring in exchange for a wedding band, sliding the former into the palm of her hand. Oh how You love the chastity buried within these two.

My sister was dazzling. Watching her at the reception there was no doubt in my mind that the next Styles wedding will be her’s. It will be one of my greatest joys to stand beside her and hand her away, and though I beamed through Jeremy’s sweet wedding, I am certain to weep through Kat’s. As for Nate and I? Only You know Abba.  Most days I still want to be celibate.

Tomorrow morning I have the first surgery on my foot and will be mostly out of commission for the next 2-3 months. Using the crutches increases the migraines and drains all my energy, but part of me is looking forward to the  mandated season of weakness, and the time of reflection and study. Thank You for knowing me better than I do Jesus, I trust You.

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One thought on “12:36am

  1. I love the way you write, Christina. 🙂 I pray the Lord pours out His presence on your during these next few weeks. I can’t wait to sit with you and hear what He ends up saying.

    I can’t wait for Katrina’s wedding…fairly sure I’ll cry through it too. 🙂 🙂

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