On our Side

The orphan clings to Your hand, singing a song of how he was found. The widow rejoices for her oppressors are silenced now.

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor;  you laugh and tell stories with the thief and the whore. When you could just be silent and leave us here to die, still you sent your son for us. You are on our side.

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change like the weather

Kansas City weather is incredibly unpredictable.

At 10am it was blazing as I walked the dog. All day I was outside in the scorching sun, then suddenly, dark clouds bullied there way across the sky and at 7pm we found ourselves in a torrential downpour. This cleared up in less than two hours and left a gorgeous summer evening in it’s wake.

At 2am we left an empty soccer field were we’d been lighting fireworks and laughing for two hours.  Today was a fantastic summer Saturday, lovely, sun drenched, full of laughter and friends. And tonight while driving around, just doing our thing, dropping people off, You broke through my atmosphere and into my world.

You love suddenly. It’s the surprise, the catching off guard and knowing that You have my full attention. Like a man in the middle of a crowd of people trying to capture the heart of that one girl, knowing the tone of voice or carefully chosen words will catch her eye, and then he holds it, holding her attention, ALL of it, above every other person standing in between. It’s funny how You love that dance, the game of pursuit, of wooing. I will never cease to be anything less than astounded, that the God of all creation is so intentional with little me.

3am, I swear I can almost smell You in this delicious, enticing wind.  Do I ever tell You how I love the way you slip up unnoticed, then suddenly declare Yourself? Leaving me knowing You are close enough to feel with me, to taste, touch, see, smell, hear, and think with me. They say You’re not enough to statisfy, but I am one of those that has seen, has known the way You redeem, just how intimately You work when you make one new. I love You for finding me.

Twenty Two

For most of my life I have not liked to celebrate my birthday, but last summer I was SERIOUSLY looking forward to 22.

For one it was my Golden Birthday: 22 on the 22nd, and I praying that it would be a year of Isaiah 22.22,  ( Shawn Boltz has given a powerful prophecy related to Is.22.22 that may encourage many of your hearts.) Two, I had received several prophetic words that the next year was going to be a very important year for several reasons which had me pretty excited. And lastly, it’s just good to get through your twenties.

My birthday landed right in the middle of the 40 day fast leading up to TheCall DC. Katrina & I didn’t pause for celebration or feasting, instead choosing to press in on our fasting and prayers. My heart was FULL of expectancy of what God wanted to do at TheCall DC, TheCall California & in my life.

But right away, things did not go as planned 🙂 Both of TheCall’s were life-changing experiences, don’t get me wrong. But as I look back over this last year, the year I had so much excitement about in the natural & in my life in God, 22 may possibly have been the most confusing, painful & excruciatingly difficult year of my life. (Of course there is much detail wrapped up in that sentence that would be inappropriate to break open here) The funny thing is that as I think over the individual situations that come to mind when I say the last year has been “difficult”, I can identify God’s moving in each, &, every, one.

It’s amazing how He does that. How He truly teaches us through all things if we listen, how He leads us by the hand, though sometimes through muddy paths and on rocky cliffs. I honestly would not want to repeat most of what has happened in my life over the last year, yet I’m so so so grateful at the tenderness of Christ in the way that He carried me through. Jesus You are the kindest, most faithful man that I know.

Right now I could allow myself to step into a deeply emotional monologue regarding my year of “22” but Iiiiiiii’m just not going to. I can’t seem to blog romantically these days. Instead I will say that I have been listening to music lately, lots of different kinds of music. I have been spending much time alone, and also being intentional about building new friendships; reading books in the sunshine, staying up late, getting up late, exercising more & also eating more sugar. My nights have been spent outside on the porch rail watching the sky & talking to Jesus, writing,  eating ice cream with Nightwatch friends MUCH later than I should be awake, playing the guitar & burning sparklers.

I’m walking into a lot of closure related to the past year. It’s good and clean. And in a healthy way, I’m looking forward to 23, because it’s just good to get through your twenties, you know?

Today is the 22nd and my birthday is in a month. I have gleefully plugged my wish list, the tab to which you will find at the top of the page, on the social networking sites that I am unashamedly a part of. And maybe this year I’ll throw myself a party.

Probably not. But I’m glad to almost be 23.

Dennis

A few weeks back I had an interesting dream

I was surrounded by darkness and demons.  A way of escape appeared and I ran hearing them speaking of leting me go, because a battle was coming that they would surely win, and then I would never be free.

I was then in a brightly lit room with 15-20 others. They seemed to be spiritual leaders, and there was much discussion of this coming battle; different ways the enemy might attack, and arguments about different plans of defense. Somehow I could feel with my soul that the enemy was gathering a very large army. I could feel them, broken into rank and file, preparing strategically for the battle.  And we were arguing strategy instead of preparing.

Anxiously I left the room, walking through a doorway into a dark room. All of the lights were turned off and in a chair corner was Dennis.

His head was bent in prayer, and I felt with my soul that he was prepared, and actively preparing for what was coming. All alone in a dark room, with the leaders and respected persons right next door in bright light, he sat with eyes closed,  communing with Holy Spirit.

Suddenly beside me was a small demonic creature with weapon in hand. I struck at it, but turning I could not see it. What followed is strange to describe, every time I tried to look, I saw NOTHING, and would be struck. But when I did NOT try to see with my eyes, I saw, and could respond. All the while Dennis sat in the corner with head bent, and heart fully connected to Jesus.

Waking I realized that when I tried to see with my eyes I was disorientated and attacked, but when I “looked” with my soul, I saw and responded.  I was being trained to see with my spiritual eyes because of a man who had himself prepared his soul in the place of communion with God. That morning I walked into the coffee shop and there was Dennis behind the counter working, but I could feel that his soul was prepared.

I have become suddenly incredibly thankful for those who have forged a path of intimacy with Jesus in dark rooms. Who have loved Him only for the love of Him. At IHOP we have language from dreams and prophetic promises about a “nameless & faceless generation” who will walk in the Spirit of God, carry Intercession as a torch and usher in a great revival, and I believe it.

But I know that I am walking on a path that has been beaten with rusty knifes and broken shovels, a road that was forged with much difficulty by so many men and women who’s names I will never know on this side of eternity. But I see Dennis, and I love him for the battles that he fought in secret to gain ground in his own life, so that I could get up and run.

Snapshots

8 days ago I dreamed about the martyrdom of the saints on the streets of San Fransisco. Mark that on the top 3 Scariest Dreams I’ve ever had, all of which have occurred in the last 6 months.

6 days ago I realized that my desire to go back to the Nightwatch is based mostly on missing the deep community experienced with the people. My Next realization:I may never switch back to Nights, and still need intentional community.

5 days ago I talked with my best friend for over an hour. The first phone call since she left for India. God dropped a bomb in my life out of her mouth about my calling to intercession on behalf of the unborn and the current spiritual warfare in my life.  It was the single most encouraging thing to happen in months. Thanks Soph, I really miss you.

4 days ago the stitches from my surgery were removed and I was given permission to begin putting weight on my foot. The first day was rather discouraging.

All week my friends have kept me laughing due to madness on Facebook surrounding one ridiculous caffeinated beverage. Realization: You people are amazing, I am so honored to know and run with you. Thank you for loving me.

3 days ago was the birthday of a dear friend: E.Money you are such a blessing and a joy.

The soundtracks to this week have included Jon Foreman, Sarah Groves, Norah Jones, Phil Whickham, Dennis Jernigan, The Cross Movement & Brad Paisley. Yup, it’s been an interesting week.

Today I left the crutches at home. A friend commented to another friend that they told the wrong girl to let the pain guide her in recovery 😀 For the first time I drive better than I walk, but I know the limp is another part of the journey of humility that God is faithfully walking me down.

This evening I ate ice cream twice in an hour and sat in a cafe reading and speaking of the Savior with Jessica Orr. She is my blessing of the summer.

Tonight my brother and sister in law went on a date with my parents(WEIRD). Later while sitting outside with toes buried in the dew laden lawn, surrounded by a cloud of smoke from the sparklers that burned in my palm I watched him stop to kiss her forehead while carrying a load of boxes in his arms, and my heart rejoiced for them.

Thank You for this life, for each breathe that You give to us, for making us more like Your Son, for not leaving us to make it on our own. Thank You for the hope  that burns bright in our souls that You are coming soon.

Holding Stars
Holding Stars

Media Boys

It’s been7 months since I began working in the Media Department and I have to say, I love the Media boys. The guys in the IHOP-KC Media Apprenticeship have blessed me over and over again with their friendship, their help with my yard work or when my car ran out of gas, and their ridiculous responses to the emails that I send them.

There are days when I want to hurt some of them for not actually reading my emails or any number of things, but most of the time they make me laugh 🙂 Here’s a weird video of 4 guys on different teams, feel free to be amused.