a heart exposed

2.11 pm – I am sitting at J.Mills desk, his daughter Bella is sleeping in the play pen in front of me and he is next door at the recording studio. Currently I am transcribing video’s for Omega and finishing a late lunch. Lunch, is somewhat of a phenomenon in my life.

The room is dark and silent but for the fan blowing to drown the noise for the sleeping babe, and the muffled tipping of my fingers on the keys. The major thought on my heart today: I long to see a generation set free from sexual perversion. Yesterday afternoon on a phone call with my father, I told him that my heart is most burdened right now by one prophetic word over the prayer movement in kansas city, “Daddy, there still is not a prayer meeting in town where a young man can find delieverance.”

Now I know that it happens, even know a few who it has happened to: they came into the meetings and literally felt things breaking off of their soul and they were set free.  But so rarely.

He sighed and with frusteration and even a little helplessness said that he dind’t know why and what we have to do for it to happen and the only thing I knew to say was “Maybe it’s becuase we still don’t know how to love?”Paul spoke of great gifts in 1 Corinthians 13, things that we all long to have in our lives, but Love, he said, was the greatest. During a devotional prayer meeting on friday, the singer began to sing of how we know what love is

Arms wide open, a heart exposed, sometimes bleeding.

It’s like Laura sings, He’s looking like a fool with His heart on the line, hanging on a tree with His heart on the line.

This is so different than the way that we love, we were taught about that word so differently. Cover your mouth, cover your heart, close your eyes! Don’t let anyone know what you’re thinking, what you are feeling. Whatever you do don’t make eye contact, don’t feel, because surely if they know they will want something, and you only have so much to give so choose wisely. They’ve taught us to keep our words inside our chests, don’t wear your heart out on your sleeve, don’t feel! Once they know what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling they will only use it against you and leave you broken. And it’s no wonder we can not believe Your love, or receive it.

When we found You, You were not the collected, respected, kingly man we expected. We found you with children on your knees, thieves and whores were at your feet. And how could such as we be expected to be friends with ones like these? The Lord of all creation, adored by all those angels hanging on a tree, without rage and disdain, no hint of revenge was in your eyes, but you had your heart out on the line. And what did we find inside of such a heart laid bare – no darkness or lust or selfish desire. But tender compassion and the purest of fire. You were holy in the deepest depths of Your heart.

And this is strength? This is power? This is love, in it’s truest form? Then You mean that love is not diamonds and roses, and love is not sonnets and poems? Not a Romeo singing into a starfilled sky, gazing with desire up into Juliet’s eyes? But love is found in a man, kneeling in the dirt to take the hand of a begger, love is found in the woman, starving herself just to feed her family. And love is found in the heart of the one on a street corner, calling to those passing by to repent and to finally become found, wiping spit from his eye, and blood from his mouth as they mock him while they pass by.

Then isn’t love found in doing the dishes and the laundry? And isn’t love found in the simple, little things that choose others, and then yourself. I always spoke to Jesus as the “friend who always chooses me first”, but have I learned to choose anyone else before me? How can you pour out your spirit to the selfish and the proud?

Last night Benji Nolot spoke with deep tenderness about Human trafficking and what our response must be to it. I am encouraging everyone I know to listen to the message and to read his notes. It was so timely for me as I was feeling the weight of so many, SO MANY, caught in cycles of sexual perversion with all of the destruction that it brings to them personally and to so many others. And I know that my God FEELS, both for the lost stuck in sin, and for each victim.

“And this is how we know what love is, the Son of Man the Son of God bleeding, on a tree.” Surely loving you is loving man, those few around us, and those far away.

I have so many more thoughts, but alas, there is still work to do and it is the middle of my work day and the beginning of these never ending weeks! Give us grace to love You through our labors.


One thought on “a heart exposed

  1. Wow. This was both convicting and drawing for me… drawing me to Jesus and to know Him and seek to love Him and love others with all the Christ in me I am capable of giving. I pray I will continually grow in love like that!

    So often lately this is my prayer: Lord, write this on my heart. Etch it into my heart ever deeper and deeper.

    Thank you for pouring out your heart reflections here!

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