Missing Home

This morning I slept in and upon waking I ground some beans, turned on the tea pot and made a cup of french press. Usually I drink regular coffee, lighter roast brewed strong, but today I indulged in some flavored beans from a local coffee shop. 4 minutes later I stirred in a little organic sugar, a shot of Shatto cream, topped it off with a swirl of whipped cream and coupled my drink with some Entenmann’s donuts. Sitting down I thought, ‘wow this is an MJ Java sort of morning!’

The Fall of ’04 I worked in a specialty coffee shop called MJ Java. That was my “Fall of Failure” and the job fit the season mainly for one reason: The President of the company hated me. But that’s a story for another day. Anyway, we had a roaster who made the BEST flavored beans, and sold Entennman’s pastry’s so I often had a fab pastry with a cup of fab coffee during my morning break. I actually adored that job and fall seems to make me miss working early mornings, brewing coffee and making people smile.

Or maybe fall just makes me miss home. There is no season like Fall in the Loess Hills. Gorgeous greens, auburn, brilliant maroons and fiery gold and browns roll like waves across everything you see and every day steals your breathe away at least one with beauty. Kansas City just isn’t that pretty 🙂

This past weekend my brother, sister-in-law and two others spent a few days in Iowa, picking apples with my parents. My dad said, “Jeremy was walking up the hill with me and I didn’t have my glasses on. I turned around and saw some little person come bouncing around the corner of the house and said “Oh! Is that Chrissy!? Did Chrissy come home? But when she got closer I realized it was Jen and thought, ‘oh! I want Chrissy to come home!” I didn’t cry on the phone with him, but have shed some tears since. My parents really love me.

And it’s not just because I’m the youngest (though my sister might tell you differently ;). Living at home I really sought to honor and serve my parents. I didnt’ do it perfectly, but really tried to work hard and help them in whatever they were doing and they saw, and really appreciated it. There have been many a time, when feeling lonely, disconnected to community or the lifestyle of prayer, unappreciated or rejected when I have strongly considered moving back home and doing just that; serving my parents, working around the farm, mowing lawns, cutting weeds, planting, mending fences, doing laundry, dusting shelves. And walking out in the fields, talking to the Lord where no one but my faithful sidekick (the cat) can hear me. Singing at the top of my lungs on a hillside, or late at night in my tiny bedroom lit by too many candles. But each time I give in to the reminiscing and the desire to simply return to the love of my father’s house, a gentle whisper reminds me “that’s no longer your home”.

Yes Lord, walking in the way of Your laws, we wait for You; Your name, even Your memory are the desire of our hearts. My soul years for You in the night: in the morning my spirit longs for You Isaiah 26

Fall. As all the coverings slowly slip away, the barrenness of our souls is gently revealed, and the longings come unveiled. Where can we call home? When will we find the place where all of our defenses fall, fears slip away and we live purely from our hearts? Not until You come back Jesus. We have been ruined for a home we’ve never ever seen with our eyes, but felt the familiarness of a hundred times in our heats. We wait for You Lord. Your name, even Your memory are the desire of our hearts. When will You come and satisfy?

Advertisements

“But Evan Roberts never came out of his cave”

Tonight I watched 3 sessions of the series “God’s Generals”, a documentary on many of the great Revival preaches throughout the 18-1900’s.  I was so excited when starting disc 3, knowing that it was about Evan Roberts. The little bit that I have heard about the Welsh revival makes desire rise so powerfully in my heart that I can not breathe when I think of it. But I had never heard the full story of Evan Roberts.

In a word: Tragic.

The narrator of this documentary series is a man named Roberts Liardon. Liardon sums up Roberts life, speaking of a “Jezebelic Spirit” that  stole much from him and chased him into a cave like Elijah and broke my heart with this finale, “But Evan Roberts never came out of his cave. The last entry in his journal was the word ‘ill’.”

He gives these points of what we can learn from the life of Evan Roberts

  1. God can use young people
  2. Young people need to have those that have gone before them to help stabilize them
  3. The wrong alignment can cause great destruction in your life and to your ministry
  4. You have to learn how to take care of your mental and physical man in the pressure of the revival. “It’s really not ALL on your shoulders, it’s on the shoulders of God”
  5. Value the sacredness of your family and the intimate part of your home

The interesting fact is that the day that Evan Roberts “gave up”, is the day that the Lord poured out His spirit on Frank Bartleman, ultimately beginning the Asuza Street Revival. Speaking of that outpouring Liardon declares “But where I really believe God wanted it to begin was in a young man by the name of Evan Roberts”

God will pour out His spirit of Revival in this Nation, oh but He LONGS for the revival of the love of Christ in our individual hearts!

9.14.09 Laura Hackett Oracle

“All I have is a heart that will not let go”

I hear the Lord say, “it’s enough, it’s enough, it’s enough.”

Maybe you haven’t lived up to the standard you thought you would.

Maybe you haven’t been in the prayer room as much as you thought you would, or set your heart to do.

And things have changed, and time has gone by, and you are wondering why you are here and why you stayed.

I hear the Lord say, “It’s enough, it’s enough that you will not let go of Me.  It’s enough, this is what it means to love.  It’s enough, that you will not let go, that you won’t give up, you just won’t give up.  You’ve thought about giving up so many times, You’ve thought about letting go and moving on.  But it’s enough that you just won’t let go of Me.  Let Me hold on to you.  Let My love keep you keep you.  All you have to give is a heart that will not give up, not let go to the end of time, all your days.

“All I have is a heart that will not let go.”

“I’m holding on, I’m holding on to You, Jesus.”

“I will give to the one, who holds fast to My name, a place within My house, a place within My heart.  I will give to the one who holds fast to me in love, a place with Me, a place with Me.  I will deliver you! I will deliver the one who holds fast to me in love.”

Happy 10 yr. Anniversary IHOP

This weekend we celebrated IHOP’s 10 year anniversary.

That sentence is remarkable.

For a decade, a little less than half of my life, incense has arisen to the throne of God non-stop from this city. Close your eyes and see: the high priest of old, burning incense and holding it under the heavy curtain blocking him from the presence of God, filling, filling, filing that little room with smoke. What was the smoke? Why smoke? Did God just love the smell of things burning, did He not want to see the man about to come, trembling into His holy, holy presence? No, no it was the prayers of the saints. He loves to look at us through our prayers. It’s as though He knows our hearts love Him more than our actions state, and He loves to see us in light of what our hearts bring, not our hands.

The God of the Old Covenant, commanding fire, alters and sacrifice, saying “Let the fire on the altar never go out!” the God who said over and over again that a “burnt offering, an offering made my fire, (was) an aroma pleasing to the Lord”.  Have you been pleased with IHOP for the last ten years Lord?

If nothing else, than in the weakness of our prayers were You pleased to know that our hearts love You more than our actions state?

Througout the remembering of the last few days I found myself over and over again, proud of the team that I serve. Each video that was played, I knew the details; the HOURS of interviews, of video editing, searching for broll, more video edting, and more interviews that was behind each of them and I was so proud of all that they did. Good job IHOP Media!

This morning I woke to this thought running through my head like a whisper, “I have been planted in the house of the prayer” yet today, more than most, I felt in my flesh just how “unrooted” I feel.

Then as a sweet reminder that I am a songbird in the house of the Lord, I was able to sing with Tim during an hour devo, with no camera’s and hardly anyone in the room. I have been DYING to sing, and was blessed even though I was rough. And was more blessed to sit for the next hour as Joanna sang a solo devo, asking questions through song that reminded me of some of our recent conversations. Something like “When you look at me do You see a heart that is faithful, or do you see one who has left their first love? You can make these dying embers a burning fire Lord.”

I believe with every fiber of my being in the prayer movement that the Lord is raising up across the earth, knowing that it will be used to turn the hearts of the Father’s to the children, the hearts of the children to the father’s, the hearts of Men to their maker, the hearts of the lost to their God. I believe in another great awakening in America, and all over the earth, and I believe that mercy triumphs over judgement. I believe in my calling and the destiny of my sister, and my friends, and will not minimize or trivialize the prophecies. If we even get a fraction of what we believe for, it will be more than we ever deserved, and greater than we ever imagined.

Take the dying embers of our heats, and make them blazing fires Lord.

Thoughts on Government

Speaking of Romans 13. 1-5

“(Paul) stated that government is established by an act of God. How that government will affect Christians depends upon the attitude and conduct of the Christians. If they are walking in obedience to the will of God, then the government and it’s officers ‘are God’s agents working for their good.’ (Romans 13. 1-5) But if Christians are disobedient and not walking in the path of God’s will, then the government and its officers become ‘Gods agents of punishment.’ This may all be summed up in one brief sentence: Christians get the kind of government they deserve.

What if Christians find themselves under a government that is evil? It may be corrupt, inefficient, wasteful, or again it may be actively cruel and oppressive towards Christians. How are Christians to react? God’s word gives them no liberty either to complain or to disobey. It does, however, impose upon them a solemn obligation to pray for their government. If they will humble themselves before God and meet His conditions, He will then hear their prayers and will “for their sakes” bring about a change of government that will ensure the fulfillment of His purposes and the best interests of His people.”

-Derek Prince, Shaping History through Prayer and Fasting

A second point, this weekend while talking with one of my supporters back home I received the greatest encouragement to continue to reach for revival through prayer and God-initiated fasting that I’ve ever received.

I was talking with a man at church and he told me ‘I have no hope for the youth of America’ and I told him ‘Then you HAVE to go to Kansas City!’

God I pray that this would be true of us, that we would truly seek You with all of our hearts, and that you would answer the cries of those who call to you night and day. Have mercy on America, and send Revival.

Roses

About a week ago I had a dream that I didn’t quite understand. My dad hired someone to remodel my house and the man had made it HUGE! I walked through with great appreciation for the craftsmanship and good work, down a big flight of stairs into a spacious basement and out the back door into the back yard. Look up at the house I marveled at how beautiful and BIG it was, and again what a good job the  man had done….until I looked down.

Looking down I saw that all of the flowers were …… GONE. (The landscaping around my house isn’t anything spectacular, but I have done all of it myself, taking extra long to accommodate the pain in my feet.) The plants had been cut down to the ground and there was nothing but rock and mulch. The anger I felt rose so hard and fast that I burst into tears and ran inside to find Katrina. Dragging her outside I showed her what the man had done. Just then I noticed him leaning outside one of the windows nailing beautiful shutters to the outside of the house and knew he was aware of us and could hear me.

Tears were flowing freely down my face as I furiously pointed to the bare ground and roared, “He has NO IDEA! No idea about all of the Time, Money, Emotion and PAIN that was in those roses!” and I said it again, “He has no idea about all of the Time, Money, Emotion and Pain that was in those roses!” The man stopped for a moment, looked at me, and went back to his work.

That was it, but I woke with a climatic feeling of dread. Yesterday I was in the prayer room during one of Misty’s set’s and was STRUCK to the core as she sang an old chorus

I’m no longer my own, I’m Your Garden.

I am no longer my own, and my garden is not mine to do with. As I listened to her sing and was suddenly reminded of that dream I couldn’t help but think that if the Garden is His than He get’s to do whatever He wants with it, and that means that He can both plant, and uproot whatever He wants. I don’t have a choice about it, and my emotions towards it do not affect Him one way or the other because it’s His garden. He get’s to do with me whatever He wants, and sometimes that may not at all be what I think that I want. It’s quite possible that I have labored and toiled, with Time, Money, Emotion and real Pain over things that He does not want there, and if that is the case, then He will take them out.

All I could think was, “It’s a good thing that I love You Jesus. It’s a good thing that I trust You.”

Sound Conversions

Doing a little internet reading on the life of David Brainerd. This young man lived the life that I dreamed as a child; he burned a bright flame and was taken to be with the Lord while in his early youth.

Take a look at this excerpt from his diary:

Lord’s Day, December 29 …After public worship was over, I went to my house, proposing to preach again after a short season of intermission. But they soon came in one after another; with tears in their eyes, to know, “what they should do to be saved…” It was an amazing season of power among them, and seemed as if God had “bowed the heavens and come down…” and that God was about to convert the whole world.

My young eyes have seen similar hunger for freedom in the eyes of natives in other countries, but the difference is that I have never preached the true gospel to the lost.  The gospel I preached at 16, 17 & 18 was a mere repeating of man’s attempt to prepackage, water down and hand back the gospel of Jesus Christ. It pained my soul but more often than not I found it unable to deliver those who were willing, and I cried out for the spirit of God to come with power.

No wonder He sent me to this little house of seeking. Our seeking DOES look different than the Saints of old. Tonight I received a txt from my papa while in the 8pm intercession set. My parents were streaming the prayer room back home and he asked if I was in the room. It’s difficult to explain, but he asked because the room was HOPPING, prayers arising to the beat the drummer was pounding out and couldn’t help but grin as I responded, “Daddy THIS is how the saints of this generation make intercession, to the sound of dirty club beats!”

Brainerd would have turned over in his grave. But the Lord is going to give this generation a burden for souls, a baptism of fire, and the gospel with power in a way that will mirror nae OUT SHINE the revivals of old. We too are being asked to give everything for it to happen, and as we surrender our proud, strong wills,  it will happen.  DO it Lord! Give us the Burden for souls, write the gospel on our hearts, and give us authority to preach it with boldness out of our weak mouths!