1.05 am, and I’m disjointed

I  have the strangest feeling about the next year; it’s as though I look at 2010 and I see a strangely blank page. A friend is desperately trying to pack me up to Tacoma Washington, I received a txt today from a friend talking about the house of prayer in Colorado which stated “you can drink coffee in the prayer room!” , and my friends at JHOP San Diego stand with open arms. My heart LONGS to sing again, and for reasons I can’t understand I can’t seem to get back on a worship team. Everyone whispers of the need for singers in the small houses of prayer around the nation, and the invitations are interesting me, for the first time in 4 years.

I’m on a journey of returning to the old things, the things that I knew when I first really loved God. When I stop to listen I hear a voice on the wind whispering “I remember you…..in the kindness of your youth…how you went after Me in the wilderness…” and I’m starting to run after Him, though we are still in the wilderness. And I think my soul is finding light again, finding I can smile again, finding I can laugh again, finding I can stand and raise my hands in worship again. When did I learn to sit and close my eyes all through worship, and why? Last Wednesday night I found myself dancing during the prayer meeting, for the first time in probably two years. Why did I teach my feet to stop dancing?

Truth be told, my foot hurt so bad the next day I was pretty sure I’d need to pull out the crutches. But I sat down at the table with a bag of ice, and turning on the webstream I went back to the same prayer meeting from the night before. After just a few minutes I found myself dancing in the living room, even through my pain.

I used to love Him wildly.

There are grave, and serious issues at hand in the nations, in the church, in the government of America, and in the homes of America. As the people of God our response is found simply in Joel 2 –  Turn to me with ALL of your heart; with Fasting, Weeping and Mourning. And the Lord is leading us into intercession with tears, the beginnings of travail on behalf of our nation. Pockets and groups EVERYWHERE are entering into 21 day and 40 day fasts, and I can not help but believe that we are about to see something great and mighty come though I don’t know how it will come, and which will come first.

I do know that I did not ever want to be Jesus’s business partner. From my earliest childhood I wanted only to love Him with all of my heart and to be His friend. Through Fasting, through tears, through singing all alone, through waking up with Him on my mind, through failing in all sorts of area’s in my life and CHOOSING to look to Him and finding love and acceptance, through small choices, through big choices I’m beginning to love Him with all of my heart again.

Do you ever sit awake at 1am and do nothing but think of Him?

Do you remember when you loved Him wildly?


One thought on “1.05 am, and I’m disjointed

  1. 1) I KNEW you would be blogging right now.

    2) I’m the friend trying to pack you off to Tacoma, WA, and I’m not ashamed to say so.

    3) I think the Lord is doing something so big, yet so tender in His I-know-exactly-what-you-need way in your life. I can’t wait to keep watching it. He remembers, and He will always remember. How He made you, what He made You for, how You’ve responded…He will always remember, and you must trust Him in that. I love, love, love you!

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