Most of the time I have no problems living on a missionary’s salary, but there are definitely moments when it is difficult; when I fight to push off anxiety and cling to faith that my Father is God, and He always cares for His children. The last few months have been like that.
There’s some sort of weird spiritual pattern with my family, whenever we are under attack we always see it first in our vehicles. A while back a window was broken out of the car that Kat and I share and two weeks later, the starter and battery went out. We bought a battery immediately but had to wait for the next payday to buy a starter. There was a little conversation between us and lots of prayer, wondering how we could squeeze enough money together to pay for the part and labor. All throughout the days I found myself whispering “please fix our car Lord, please cover us” and within a week an envelope showed up in our mailbox simply labeled “For your car” with almost the total amount of the part. Our mechanic friend installed it but something else seems to be wrong and we’re waiting for my Papa to come next weekend and get it up and running. In the meantime we’ve been lent a vehicle to use. My God is Faithful.
Then my wisdom teeth starting causing problems and the pain pretty much took me out for 4 days. Between migraines and the problems with the bones in my feet – I’ve learned to work with pain, but even Vicadin gave me no relief from this! With no insurance and again, no extra finances I fought fear and rising anxiety about what to do, day in and day out praying “break in, fix it! Take the pain, or bring the finances but You have to act on my behalf!” and after four days, over night the pain lifted. My God is Faithful.
The car is still not fixed, and my mouth still needs to be looked at for sure, but I can not tell you the incredible ammount of gratitude that has been in my heart for the way that the Lord has responded. Still I have prayed, over and over again for the last few weeks “Father provide, provide, provide”. There are moments when I’m overwhelmed wondering what we are going to do with the cold weather coming in and Kat’s and my different schedules, wondering what was wrong in my mouth causing the pain, wondering if I need to get a weekend job to provide for the unexpected bills and my upcoming bills *big post coming soon* while knowing I don’t have the physical or emotional capacity to do that. But I have fought to live and walk in faith, and with deep breaths and some times a few tears I wisper “Father provide!”
This last week I received a phone call from a family friend informing me that he had spoken with one of the best dentist’s back home, and that he was going to do the xray of my mouth for free. Barring any complications he will also remove my wisdom teeth….for free. My Father is faithful.
At that point of the conversation I sat down and nearly hyperventilated. He then informed me that as an early christmas present to katrina and I, he wanted to cover whatever costs were left over to get the car fixed. After hearing me shakily tell him I didn’t know if there was anything else needing to be replaced he paused and asked with amusement “Didn’t your window get broken out?” to which I responded “oh…..does that have to be fixed?”
My Father is faithful, and I am grateful! So grateful for the way that He shows His love for us when we trust in Him!! If I was wealthy and had all of my needs and wants met as soon as they arose, even then it would still be true that it was all provided for by Him. But living a fasted lifestyle, raising support so that I can stay in the house of the Lord, I am given the honor and opportunity to feed on His faithfulness.
Thank You Jesus for always providing for the needs that arise. I’m thankful that I didn’t go hungry today and I won’t go hungry tomorrow all because of Your great love and provision for me. Thank You for the journey of learning to trust and to follow You.