The day started at 5.30am, it’s now 1.30 am and I should be sleeping. Anticipating more heated conversations with hotel desk clerks I dressed up today, but pointy toed shoes are a BAD idea on a day when you never sit down and my feet hurt by 11. The surgeried foot gave me problems; muscles randomly seizing, tightening and throbbing but I refused to let it stop me! I’m living each day to be healed and one of these days, I will be.
So what is keeping this exhausted, pained little girl awake at 1.30? Home. The smell of horses and a freshly mowed lawn deeply embedded in my old baseball hat. Dust from the road, so think and fine that it coats everything by mid summer leaving the country side faded like an old photograph. Climbing into my rusty 1949 Ford truck and dreaming about Dad and I actually fixing it (which never happened). Fields of raw flowers and uncut grass, rolling hills and tall tree’s. Country you can see for miles. Broken down fences, and the joy (and pain) of fixing them. Waking each morning and hearing roosters crowing outside the window, and the few years we had a “broken rooster” who also crowed around midnight… 1am…2am…3am.
Bustling about Bartle hall today, passing out a combination of passes to about 80 department members, tracking them down and being tracked down. Asking and answering questions, and do a whole lot of NOT answering questions, communicating, trouble shooting, training my replacement, LONGING for a nap and coffee, praying for new feet and dreaming of when mine will be beautiful on the mountain as I preach good news – it was a long day.
As Jeremy & I drove back to red bridge my mind was far from the conference and I couldn’t stop thinking about home. Long days in the sunshine, furry kittens, planting gardens, running barefoot on gravel, picking fruit off of tree’s, giving all of my heart to the Lord through my song while on the back of a tall chestnut Arabian Mare while bare back… sometimes I feel like that childhood was lived by another person. I wouldn’t know what to do if I were to climb on a horse today. It’s funny how things change.
I have a sick love for conference co-ordination and details. Too many years in ministry and too many events causes love for the chaos to flow through your veins, but today I found myself longing to be lost in a sea of green, thinking to my Savior, staring at lazy summer clouds and dreaming.
2010 is about to begin. Options for my time are beginning to present themselves but truly, and I wish for a full bank account. I would tear out the carpet in my house, paint the walls and restore the hardwood floors and window sills. I would plant flowers and a garden and actually have the time to both weed, and enjoy them. Ooooh and a car! I’d buy a car 🙂 At 23 I’m finding myself wondering if time will ever let me to slow down and enjoy life slowly, and if I will ever have the finances to allow that. But for now. I must sleep. Strange thoughts for the first day of Onething 09.