Father’s Day

far away from my Papa. It’s safe to say that I adore him, through his faults though they are numerous. Six years ago my dad had an encounter with God that changed him forever, and the man who I trust with all of my heart is no longer the man whom I knew through my childhood.

Childhood, am I finished with my childhood? I used to literally believe that there was nothing my daddy could not do. Now I am simply convinced of it. When anything goes wrong he is the first one who I call, and by anything I mean ‘try me’.  Painting, house maintenance, car problems, weird bugs in my lawn, migraines, emotional struggles, tension with friends, how to fix the air conditioner, boy issues, fights with my sister and major life decisions.

As early as 8 years old I can remember sitting across the table and telling him I was called by God to go to some random country and serve the local missionaries, and watched him honor the passion of my heart while still gently saying “I would be a bad father if I let you go.”

We had that conversation countless times over the years. The tension of his covering was painful at times, but not as painful as the day that I watched him let go. The youngest of four, I received a blessing from my parents when I moved. With tears and prayers my daddy kissed my forehead and committed me into the hands of the Lord, where he has left me. Through all of our conversations and hours of receiving his counsel I am always aware that he now speaks to me as one who has no control over my life, entrusting my ways to the Father who he is still learning to trust his own steps to.   I’ll admit there have been times I have longed to re-enter my father’s home and re-submit myself to his covering, but I have been released.

The days that singleness is not my joy are the days I feel the most connected to that very reality; the distance between the covering of my father and the covering I have made for myself. The truth is that I have yet to find a man who takes care of me the way that my Papa does.  Through the brokenness of our past, the treasure in our healing and the tenderness of our relationship I have learned lessons not easily earned or easily forgotten. I’ve found myself incapable of the  flippancy which my generation treats their hearts.

But that’s another topic. Today I’ve cherished my papa in my thoughts, wishing for the comfort and strength in his nearness and thankful for how the Lord pours out love on me through my daddy. Such a gift Lord, thank you for the love of my Father.

And at the same time I have spent countless hours in prayer for him to leave the past behind and to walk in the fullness of who the Lord made him to be.

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