First off, a schedule. Without vision a people may perish, & so do I without a schedule. I want to give my time, engergy & emotions fully to all that the Lord has invited me to in this season on the east coast. Splitting those three major life components between 3 different ministries in 2 different cities will be impossible without the discipline of a schedule.
Second, a friendship. It is no great secret that daily life without Jeremy was the number one hardest factor of the last year. He is my dear comrade, my dear friend. Re-building friendship with his wife is a precious gift in this time. The list of similarities between Jenny & I is bizarre. We walk with the same bounce, though her stride is devoid of my limp. We carry ourselves with the same posture, and randomly, unconsciously stretch our feet in the ballet positions that they were trained in from our early ages. We accidentally dress the same, regularly. Which is most bizarre as our fashion tastes are VERY different. We like the same books, the same foods, the same music. We sing together, different styles & flavors but we blend fabulously. And in a crowded room I find solace with her …. in the corner.
Third, Randy is coming to Fredericksburg. The truth is that he is coming for a Zoe Foundation event with the Prayer Furnace, but I know that truthfully the Lord is sending him here at this time for the sake of my heart. A piece of my life, a big piece is wrapped up in that family. And it’s visiting me here.
Fourth, Normalcy. It will set in. These days are teaching me to think again, to breathe again, to sing again, to read again. To feel. To hear. And at some point normalcy will set in, & I will not spend my days dancing round moments of tears, moments of missing, moments of questions. I’m leaning harder than any other time in my short 24 years, & the weakness of it is bringing clarity to what lies in my heart.
Those things are good to see. To lay hold of them & to pursue them, that is a journey I’ll not see ended until I see my Lord face to face.