Twinnies

This morning on the train ride into DC I received this picture from Grandma B:

Talk about killer. How I love those little faces! Nothing makes me miss home quite as much as pictures of the twinnies. Ok that’s not true, pretty much everything makes me miss home but ESPECIALLY pictures of the twinnies!

The day was productive, we made the walk from the metro to the JHOP and spent the morning in the payer room before walking to the Court for the Noon siege.  As the school year draws to a close more and more schools are visiting on field trips and we’re having so many opportunities to speak to young hearts about God’s dream that He knits together in the womb. I’m mostly content to pray while Matt speaks, and it hits my heart in a powerful way every time I hear him say “And God has a dream for your lives to. Did you all know that? God has a dream and a plan for every single one of you, none of you are without purpose.”

After an important errand (I’ll go there another time) and more prayer room time I found myself back on the train receiving a text from Kelsey that read, ” Questions of the day: ‘Where’s Christina?” “Does Christina love me?” “Does Jesus love me?” wow! You rank up there with Jesus!”

I couldn’t love these girls more if they actually were my little sisters. That’s the power of adoption I guess. If I didn’t love my name so much I’d probably starting going by ‘Bohlender’. Maybe I should change that. If I didn’t love my name so much & if Randy & Kelsey were significantly older, I’d probably start going by ‘Bohlender’. *Now I can rest easy knowing Randy won’t beat me for saying he’s old enough to actually be my dad*

After the drive home I headed out for a jog to enjoy the quickly fading yet still beautiful weather. I dislike jogging so much more without Honey. Last August when I first tried to get her to run with me she would lay down in the middle of the road in complete refusal. By October she’d be begging to go again as soon as we’d get back from an hour run. Crazy dog.

So much missing. Oh but Jesus you’re worth it all.

Remember

It’s late and I am far too tired to be blogging.

Tired enough that I’ll probably sleep on my couch instead of getting up to walk into my room & go to bed. Tired enough to drink the nasty tea that’s brewing because it’s good for me & I’m not awake enough to refuse. Tired enough to be emotional about the fact that my sister is  in Spain on her honey moon & I’m sleeping on my couch & drinking gross tea…. but I digress.

Jeremiah 2 has long been one of my favorite passages in the Bible. I find such humanity, something so familiar & trustworthy about the emotion revealed in the gentle lamentation “I remember you”. My heart is suddenly strengthened to hold on to the dreams & promises that I’ve long kept, the things that break me in secret knowing that He too remembers them.

“The love of your betrothal, when you went after Me in the wilderness” He remembers the days of young, zealous devotion. Dramatic prayers whispered in corners from hearts longing for something to offer. He holds them near, nearer than we do.

I’ve been reminded lately, of the days of the devotion of my youth & of the love of my betrothal.

Last week I sat  in the Dean & Deluca parking lot with Annie, tears streaming down both our cheeks as we whispered about the Nations. (Whispering not out of reverence but because my voice was gone.) Encouraging one another in the practicality of daily faithfulness, but confessing the pain of longing that sneak upon us late at night.

Today I spent some hours with a visiting Bound4LIFE Chapter Leader. Roughly my age, in full-time ministry, stepping into an adventure she’s been dreaming about but made nervous by the unknowns, she drilled me with probing questions about ministry, life & Godliness & I somehow continued to answer while each question served as a reminder.

Later while walking her through Capitol Hill she spoke of the need for a ‘rhema’ word rather than a ‘go’ word, so that in the times of trouble & doubt she would have a promise to cling to. And I remembered some promises, and right there on 1st street my heart was strengthened.

I’m glad for the account that Jesus keeps because I know the tendency of my weak heart to become so wrapped in the moment & quickly forget the important. And I’m glad that I can share with Him the deep things that my heart clings to so desperately knowing that He doesn’t need a reminder.

“Do you ever feel lonely?”

And I heard my voice respond.. “Yes. But I’m writing a book…”

You remember my book.

Last night in my dream a man who’s details were blurry handed me a sheet of paper with hand-stitched words on it that read “I am a Bridegroom”. And this morning I woke remembering Your love for me.

You don’t send us to fight battles that You intend to lose. And every trip that we think so off track is leading us straight into the perfect plan that You have for us. Today I’ll remember that, and today I choose to tell You that all that You do with me is good God. And I ask you to remember the dreams of tomorrow.