Angry Dave

So my “tomorrow” blog on December 6th obvioulsy never happened. Today is December 19, 2009 and my heart is stirred by a noble theme.

I just got done reading a recent article on the Exodus Cry website. Exodus Cry is a ministry praying for the ending of the sex trade. Sounds pretty outrageous right? The ENDING of the sex trade, but the good news is that they are on the side of Jesus who happens to be coming back to end wickedness, and He cares a LOT about this issue (check out Revelation chapter 18). And for this reason they are undaunted in their vision and both pray and act with boldness and spiritual violence.

I know quite a few individuals working for Exodus Cry and this particular article was written by a leader on the Nightwatch here in the house of prayer. Here is the link, I’d encourage you to read it in entirety. I was stirred to tear filled prayer while reading, but it was the last paragraph that grabbed hold of my soul,

I asked Dave how we could pray for him and the Door of Hope, and here was his answer: “You can pray as if a terrorist had taken you captive and you’re his hostage.  There’s a difference when you pray, O God, please let Mary get an A on the test, or please help me pick the right flowers for the party, verses if a terrorist is threatening to blow you up.  Pray that way.”  In addition, he asked people to pray for more people– millions of people, even– to pray for the Door of Hope team, and for God to send good, solid workers.  Lastly, he wants to be a light to the nation of Israel and the world.

Oh that You would teach us how to pray this way Father.


a heart exposed

2.11 pm – I am sitting at J.Mills desk, his daughter Bella is sleeping in the play pen in front of me and he is next door at the recording studio. Currently I am transcribing video’s for Omega and finishing a late lunch. Lunch, is somewhat of a phenomenon in my life.

The room is dark and silent but for the fan blowing to drown the noise for the sleeping babe, and the muffled tipping of my fingers on the keys. The major thought on my heart today: I long to see a generation set free from sexual perversion. Yesterday afternoon on a phone call with my father, I told him that my heart is most burdened right now by one prophetic word over the prayer movement in kansas city, “Daddy, there still is not a prayer meeting in town where a young man can find delieverance.”

Now I know that it happens, even know a few who it has happened to: they came into the meetings and literally felt things breaking off of their soul and they were set free.  But so rarely.

He sighed and with frusteration and even a little helplessness said that he dind’t know why and what we have to do for it to happen and the only thing I knew to say was “Maybe it’s becuase we still don’t know how to love?”Paul spoke of great gifts in 1 Corinthians 13, things that we all long to have in our lives, but Love, he said, was the greatest. During a devotional prayer meeting on friday, the singer began to sing of how we know what love is

Arms wide open, a heart exposed, sometimes bleeding.

It’s like Laura sings, He’s looking like a fool with His heart on the line, hanging on a tree with His heart on the line.

This is so different than the way that we love, we were taught about that word so differently. Cover your mouth, cover your heart, close your eyes! Don’t let anyone know what you’re thinking, what you are feeling. Whatever you do don’t make eye contact, don’t feel, because surely if they know they will want something, and you only have so much to give so choose wisely. They’ve taught us to keep our words inside our chests, don’t wear your heart out on your sleeve, don’t feel! Once they know what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling they will only use it against you and leave you broken. And it’s no wonder we can not believe Your love, or receive it.

When we found You, You were not the collected, respected, kingly man we expected. We found you with children on your knees, thieves and whores were at your feet. And how could such as we be expected to be friends with ones like these? The Lord of all creation, adored by all those angels hanging on a tree, without rage and disdain, no hint of revenge was in your eyes, but you had your heart out on the line. And what did we find inside of such a heart laid bare – no darkness or lust or selfish desire. But tender compassion and the purest of fire. You were holy in the deepest depths of Your heart.

And this is strength? This is power? This is love, in it’s truest form? Then You mean that love is not diamonds and roses, and love is not sonnets and poems? Not a Romeo singing into a starfilled sky, gazing with desire up into Juliet’s eyes? But love is found in a man, kneeling in the dirt to take the hand of a begger, love is found in the woman, starving herself just to feed her family. And love is found in the heart of the one on a street corner, calling to those passing by to repent and to finally become found, wiping spit from his eye, and blood from his mouth as they mock him while they pass by.

Then isn’t love found in doing the dishes and the laundry? And isn’t love found in the simple, little things that choose others, and then yourself. I always spoke to Jesus as the “friend who always chooses me first”, but have I learned to choose anyone else before me? How can you pour out your spirit to the selfish and the proud?

Last night Benji Nolot spoke with deep tenderness about Human trafficking and what our response must be to it. I am encouraging everyone I know to listen to the message and to read his notes. It was so timely for me as I was feeling the weight of so many, SO MANY, caught in cycles of sexual perversion with all of the destruction that it brings to them personally and to so many others. And I know that my God FEELS, both for the lost stuck in sin, and for each victim.

“And this is how we know what love is, the Son of Man the Son of God bleeding, on a tree.” Surely loving you is loving man, those few around us, and those far away.

I have so many more thoughts, but alas, there is still work to do and it is the middle of my work day and the beginning of these never ending weeks! Give us grace to love You through our labors.

When you no longer own your heart

Over the past few days the Lord has been reminding me of the burdens that He has given to me, one after another they have come, reminder’s of places and people that have stolen my heart, that I have contended for in prayer, that I have given my life for;

The ending of abortion, the  deliverance and salvation of a generation lost in darkness, the raising up of children who are friends of God, the freedom of millions 0f women and  children in forced prostitution, the forgotten orphans of Romania, the hopeless of California, and the salvation of my loved ones.

The emotions and memories attached to each burden have come washing over me, one at a time and my heart has wept to join with the weeping of the broken hearted Savior, the One who see’s all things, and hears all things, and FEELS, so intensely, about all things.

And I think that to truly be His friend, I have to give up my own heart. To stop focusing on the things that once drew me away and captivated my attention, to give myself to the Love of God, and lay down my thoughts and loves in a different manner than I have ever considered. I have been dramatic in seasons of longing to give my heart to Him more: literally burning posessions, anything that represented the love of this world and all that is fading away in the desire to love Him.

To be honest, I’ve burned my bridges more than once. And though there is something to be said for “cutting off your hand that you may not sin” I think it’s more internal than that. Are we willing to give our emotions to Him, to feel what He feels for the things that burden His heart? I’ve heard of a man who at times has heard the “silent screams” of aborted children and spends hours weeping under the wheight of it and crying out for God to bring an end to abortion. It makes me think of Jeremiah lamenting and weeping for the lost of Jerusalem who would die in the calamity that had not yet happened, and in his groanings cried out “Oh that my head were a fountain of tears! That my eyes would RUN with water!”

Am I willing to be that kind of a friend to the Son of Man?

I am beginning to think that He takes our prayers seriously. In those moments when the song is just right, the musicians seeming to play the strings of our hearts, and we whisper those sweet words of love like “Here I am Lord, send me” or (let the IHOPer understand) “Here’s my heart Lord, take and seal it, I give it all to You”.

What if He began to answer those prayers? What if He began to take our hearts, and piece by piece, give back to us parts of His own? I think I would love more, that’s for sure.  I can imagine that I would have more patience, that the momentary would have less importance, and the individual would have more, that I would be quick to speak of my Savior in public, would be quick to repent, quick to listen, quick to pray, quick to give, and slow to keep.  I can imagine that I would spend less time considering my heart, my desires, my thoughts; my heart would no longer be my own to consider.

Increasingly over the last week, when my eyes are closed I see the fronts of abortion clinics where we have stood and prayed, I see the people of Mexico & El  Salvador, the school children of Ireland, the orphans of Romania, the streets of San Diego, the youth of the inner city, the faces of the ones who I love, the houses in Omaha, the fields of Iowa.

How have I come to the place where my eyes no longer flood with tears when I consider these things? How many steps have I taken that led me away from the place of waiting with my Savior? I don’t know, but I want to go back, I think He’s leading me back. I want to come to the place where my heart is no longer my own, and I want to stay there.

Repost of September 11,2007

Today I awoke with a hunger knawing at my soul, clutching at my heart strings. It was familiar and I dug back through my blog to remember the wisdom that was given to me some time ago. The remembering was soothing, and I decided to simply repost:

“Let me ask you a question that might be offensive to you, but don’t be offended”
“How old are you?”
“Do what you are doing until you are 25. That’s the only answer I can give you”

And I have to admit that I don’t like that answer much. Clearly I’m asking the questions because I like to feel things, I prefer to pray when something is pushing on my heart like a tender bruise and I can’t escape the pain over it; abortion, human trafficking, lost souls, abused children, sickness and pain, the persecution of the saints, the immorality of those totally given to darkness…. It’s much harder to remember that millions of children are being slaughtered daily and my weak prayers move the heart of God when I’m not broken and weeping. Not impossible to pray, just harder. It’s much harder to pray when there is no burden, much harder to remember at all that something is desperately wrong and that the world is in need of a Savior, this nation in need of a Judge, and desperately in need of His mercy. It’s much harder to remember that life is about more than my little world and the situations that involve me, the things that distract my heart and my mind. Much harder to remember why I fell in love with the Son of God, why I have to give myself to His love and scrutiny daily, submitting to His refining and perfecting.

It would be much easier to remember that the need, the only answer, is for lives to be given; men and women who would pour themselves out, who would lay down their hopes for a life just like everyone else, who would set aside their plans for the future without considering taking them back up again, for consecrated ones who would minister before the Lord, become His friends, and stand in the gap for a world who is bent on giving themselves to the desires of darkness and building their own kingdoms. How are we to sustain the urgency that so rarely touches our souls and causes us to cry out, to fast, to give of ourselves? How are we to actually have fiery hearts; madly in love with the God/Man Jesus, and unrelenting in our longing for many to turn and be saved, to throw themselves at the mercy of the King and find kindness and a Father, for wrong things to be made right, to groan and long until there is justice on the earth, until the Son has a bride, until darkness has been driven out with the light of His coming? How are we to actually have a single gaze, “dove’s eyes”, an undivided heart, one focus?

“Do what you are doing until you are 25. That’s the only answer I can give you. And even then you probably won’t feel it all the time, but I can guarantee that you won’t hate people and God, and that your spirit will be alive and you will have a fiery heart. That’s it.”

Oh to BE 25.

Awe inspiring thunder

was what I awoke to this morning. It scared me stiff.

I lay there listening to the rumbles as my house, bed, little universe trembled under the mighty power and thought about the voice of my Father. Terrifying & Beautiful, all at the same time, that is who You are God.

Today is day two of the Global Bridegroom Fast, author of the book The Heavenly Man, Brother Yun came and spoke today stirring the hearts of the intercessors and family here at IHOP, I was grateful for the fresh wind to blow across the embers of my heart. Anina and I have been reading a book called The Natasha’s about the growing sex trade & trafficking of young women across the earth. A sobering read.  Mom and I were talking about it and she asked how we can read things like that and carry that burden and emotion; my heart was stirred within me, “We pray! I’m not overwhelmed with this information, I can hardly comprehend this information, it’s so far removed from my life, but I set my heart before the Lord and ask for understanding and the emotions of His heart, and we intercede on their behalf! What I want to know is, what does this man(the author) do? If he is not a believer, how does he get up each morning, because without Jesus there is no justice for these women and children, and no hope for them. We do what we do and we study and dig deep because we know He is coming back with a sword in His hand, with Justice and Judgement and His name is Faithful and True!”

I often find that the best reminders of the things I know, end up coming out of my mouth at the time that I need to hear them the most.  Jesus You are beautiful in Holiness, Fearful in splendor.