Detoxing

It’s been a long journey & I’ve hit the stage of Detoxing. It happened unintentionally during a fast, I wasn’t planning to hit this stage until after my sister’s wedding but I found myself gripped in pain last Tuesday & my house mom accurately pinpointed the problem.

Candida Die Off.

Headaches, severe muscle pain, ‘foggy head’, dizzy, anxious, sick to my stomach, generally miserable & sleeplessness to name a few of the symptoms.  Limping through the week I had one continual thought “I hate antibiotics.” But one of these day’s I’m going to be better. That thought is actually incredibly strengthening on long hard days. Knowing that the pain is all unto healing, unto restoration, unto wholeness.

It’s a lot like the journey of the heart. We can walk down life’s road & be quite sick for some time before the heart-sickness stops us in our tracks, refusing to let us continue on while maimed. Then the detox begins, & oh how it hurts. Slowly maneuvering through the symptoms & side effects until the source of the pain, the core of the problem is exposed. We have to stare at that thing & decide which hurts more, the pain of dealing with the problem or the pain of stuffing it down & continuing through life with a wound that won’t stop oozing.

Physically for me it hurts more to live with a bacteria living in my blood stream, causing all manner of problems whenever the least convenient. Walking the road to healing with a nutritional treatment is causing the worst of flare up symptoms as the bacteria begins to die off, but the pain I’m in now only means I’m being healed.

Emotionally for me it hurts more to live with old hurts living in my heart, causing all manner of problems whenever the least convenient. Walking the road to healing under the leadership of the Holy Spirit causes the worst of symptoms as those wounds & un-forgiveness related to them are re-exposed & each time I choose to release one to the heart of the Lord & choose to forgive the pain flares up vehemently in protest. But the pain I’m in now only means I’m being healed.

I wake in the mornings with John Mark McMillan song lyrics in my head;

Hope grows between cracks in the asphalt

In the downtown ghetto streets that contour

The government housing intentions of my heart

And it’s true, that detoxing is ugly. But Jesus has always loved to take the ugly & make it lovely. He’s doing it in my heart, even if it only feels like pain right now. And He’d love to do it in yours.

Between the Cracks – John Mark

Hope grows between cracks in the asphault
In the downtown ghetto streets that contour
The government housing intentions of my heart
No one notices the daisies don’t care
About gang related violence
As long as they get enough air and water and sun
They’re all just fine
Who would’ve thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There’s a man down here somewhere between
The Saturday cartooons and the dirty magazines
He’s raising the dead in the graveyards
Where we’ve laid down our dreams
His name is Hope
Hope stands high on the 15th floor
On a Christmas tree perched about the ledge of a fortress
A steel that’s trying to hard to be somebody’s home
As it sees my attention from I-85 though the throws of the day
Were still writhing inside
I lifted my head as I drove home that night and knew
Everything was gonna be fine
Who would’ve thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There’s a man down here not worried or afraid
That some politician forgot all the promises he made
And he’s raising the dead in the graveyards
Where we’ve laid down our dreams
His name is Hope
Can you hear him outside he’s been singing all night
He’s saying when you gonna come out from behind
These paper thin walls, your cardboard box realities
Who would’ve thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There’s a man down here not worried or afraid
That some politician forgot all the promises he made
And he’s raising the dreams in the graveyards
Where we’ve laid down our dead
His name is Hope

Setting Suns – John Mark McMillan

When everythings said and done
Your all I really have
In the midst of these setting suns
The city lights at best
Are portraits of my friends
But they don’t make amends
For this ridiculous mess

So I will float on
Every word you said
When the water of my ghosts
They rise above my head
And I will stand up on your back
In the middle of this sea
When collectors of my debts
They come to sink there teeth

And its all I can think about now
Is how good you are to me

This body is a hole
My flesh one shallow grave
I am six feet below myself
And at my best
I still deserve to die
But I’ll be glorified
In this ridiculous mess

So I will float on
Every word you said
When the water of my ghosts
They rise above my head
And I will stand up on your back
In the middle of this sea
When collectors of my debts
They come to sink there teeth

And its all I can think about now
Is how good you are to me