17 hours ago

a singing cell phone startled me out of  a dream where I was in my bedroom in KC packing boxes to move to Fredericksburg. I awoke, here. Surrounded by my things, with my clothes hanging in the closet, my glow in the dark stars on the walls of a room that hadn’t been dark long enough for their light to die out(aka I’d had little sleep) yet still unsure if I was actually here… or in another dream. The morning was surreal to say the least.

Walking outside to my car I found it…. wrapped in Christmas paper. And on the windshield was written in red ink “Welcome home sucka”. I knew I shouldn’t have taken my sister-in-law pranking with me in Kansas City.

The commute into the district was  long; traffic backed up & cars being searched around the capital most likely due to the shooting in Arizona this weekend. Walking into the JHOP condo I tried to believe that I was one of them, not just visiting, then gave up. It will take awhile for this little bird to settle. It was good to see familiar faces though & I was happy to be welcomed by the IHOP-KC Strike team who are here on a 21-day prayer assignment.  We split into two groups, each taking a 2-hour shift standing on the wall in front of the Supreme Court & I loved looking down the line & seeing my friends… knowing in two weeks they will be gone.

An hour & a half commute, worship & an exhortation, lunch, 2 hours in the Fre-eeezing cold by the court, 3 hours in the prayer room, dinner, prayer meeting, teaching & the 40 minute commute back to F-burg. The cold I’ve been fighting for 3 weeks has come back with a vengeance, but Kim let me defile her tomato soup with 3x more cayenne pepper than is healthy & I finally can breathe.

It’s 12.30 in the morning, it’s been a long, emotional day & I sit here sipping tea, for a moment enjoying the fact that I am alone in this basement apartment….. not crying about it. There is grace for grieving through transition, this is a constant reminder I whisper to myself, & I’m allowed to cry every time I think of my sister, or get a txt from one of my parents that I know cried while sending, or a picture from Randy or Kelsey of one of the girls, or the number of simple “I wish you were here’s”…. & I can do that  for as long as I need to.

It’s impossible to count the times my eyes have filled in the last 3 days as the messages from friends have rolled in, all of whom I love, all of whom I wish were… well… with me where I am. But every time that happens I fight to turn my heart & offer those tears as worship.

Do You see? That costs me Lord, but take the pain of that cost and let it be as worship to You, let it be as intercession before You. Let even my pain in the simple missing of so many little things, so many people be COUNTED as unto You! I gladly give it, I gladly give it, knowing You willingly receive it & it matters.

In blogging I never want to cross the line into public journaling, believe me, there is MUCH left unsaid. But neither do I fear vulnerability for the chance that some might be encouraged or strengthened to turn to the Lord, to feel, to give, to run harder to love deeper, to give what costs. If by my transparency even one here or there find the spark that flickers into even a small flame in their heart than it is worth the cost of publicly declaring my weakness.

Jesus You’re worthy of all of my worship, all of my love.


Happy 10 yr. Anniversary IHOP

This weekend we celebrated IHOP’s 10 year anniversary.

That sentence is remarkable.

For a decade, a little less than half of my life, incense has arisen to the throne of God non-stop from this city. Close your eyes and see: the high priest of old, burning incense and holding it under the heavy curtain blocking him from the presence of God, filling, filling, filing that little room with smoke. What was the smoke? Why smoke? Did God just love the smell of things burning, did He not want to see the man about to come, trembling into His holy, holy presence? No, no it was the prayers of the saints. He loves to look at us through our prayers. It’s as though He knows our hearts love Him more than our actions state, and He loves to see us in light of what our hearts bring, not our hands.

The God of the Old Covenant, commanding fire, alters and sacrifice, saying “Let the fire on the altar never go out!” the God who said over and over again that a “burnt offering, an offering made my fire, (was) an aroma pleasing to the Lord”.  Have you been pleased with IHOP for the last ten years Lord?

If nothing else, than in the weakness of our prayers were You pleased to know that our hearts love You more than our actions state?

Througout the remembering of the last few days I found myself over and over again, proud of the team that I serve. Each video that was played, I knew the details; the HOURS of interviews, of video editing, searching for broll, more video edting, and more interviews that was behind each of them and I was so proud of all that they did. Good job IHOP Media!

This morning I woke to this thought running through my head like a whisper, “I have been planted in the house of the prayer” yet today, more than most, I felt in my flesh just how “unrooted” I feel.

Then as a sweet reminder that I am a songbird in the house of the Lord, I was able to sing with Tim during an hour devo, with no camera’s and hardly anyone in the room. I have been DYING to sing, and was blessed even though I was rough. And was more blessed to sit for the next hour as Joanna sang a solo devo, asking questions through song that reminded me of some of our recent conversations. Something like “When you look at me do You see a heart that is faithful, or do you see one who has left their first love? You can make these dying embers a burning fire Lord.”

I believe with every fiber of my being in the prayer movement that the Lord is raising up across the earth, knowing that it will be used to turn the hearts of the Father’s to the children, the hearts of the children to the father’s, the hearts of Men to their maker, the hearts of the lost to their God. I believe in another great awakening in America, and all over the earth, and I believe that mercy triumphs over judgement. I believe in my calling and the destiny of my sister, and my friends, and will not minimize or trivialize the prophecies. If we even get a fraction of what we believe for, it will be more than we ever deserved, and greater than we ever imagined.

Take the dying embers of our heats, and make them blazing fires Lord.

Thoughts on Government

Speaking of Romans 13. 1-5

“(Paul) stated that government is established by an act of God. How that government will affect Christians depends upon the attitude and conduct of the Christians. If they are walking in obedience to the will of God, then the government and it’s officers ‘are God’s agents working for their good.’ (Romans 13. 1-5) But if Christians are disobedient and not walking in the path of God’s will, then the government and its officers become ‘Gods agents of punishment.’ This may all be summed up in one brief sentence: Christians get the kind of government they deserve.

What if Christians find themselves under a government that is evil? It may be corrupt, inefficient, wasteful, or again it may be actively cruel and oppressive towards Christians. How are Christians to react? God’s word gives them no liberty either to complain or to disobey. It does, however, impose upon them a solemn obligation to pray for their government. If they will humble themselves before God and meet His conditions, He will then hear their prayers and will “for their sakes” bring about a change of government that will ensure the fulfillment of His purposes and the best interests of His people.”

-Derek Prince, Shaping History through Prayer and Fasting

A second point, this weekend while talking with one of my supporters back home I received the greatest encouragement to continue to reach for revival through prayer and God-initiated fasting that I’ve ever received.

I was talking with a man at church and he told me ‘I have no hope for the youth of America’ and I told him ‘Then you HAVE to go to Kansas City!’

God I pray that this would be true of us, that we would truly seek You with all of our hearts, and that you would answer the cries of those who call to you night and day. Have mercy on America, and send Revival.

Random Friday

Foot surgery was postponed….again. Much as I hate the thought of surgery and recovery, my feet hurt. Migraines have been bad the last 2 weeks as the weather keeps shifting dramatically, and I’ve realized I’m like an arthritic old woman whose pain is dramatically influenced by the weather, which is weird.

I have been SO excited to start my garden, and the only thing that has held back starting my seeds has been time. Now I’m glad because we have 8 INCHES OF SNOW in the forecast for this weekend! My peach tree is arrayed in the glory of full bloom, and this snow will kill all chances of fruit this year 😦

One of my supporters desperately needs to sell a house for nothing short of 2.2 million. All prayer appreciated.

Um….what else what else? I’m dreaming again, 2 serious dreams last week about the danger of holding onto seemingly small compromise, and the answer of throwing ourselves open handed into the mercy of God. It’s set my spirit trembling.

I’ve just borrowed a book about astronomy*(Thanks Jess) prophesying the gospel and I can’t WAIT to dig in!

Compassion International is on a campaign against the Global Food Crisis and for $13 you can feed a starving child for a month

I’ve rediscovered my love for Art Katz books, some of which can be downloaded for free.

Zack and Carrie Hensley are having a girl!! Z is an old friend from my first day’s on the Nightwatch here in Kansas City, and an excellent writer, if you don’t read his blog, you should 🙂

After deleting my facebook account I have enjoyed getting news about my friends from their lips….not the Internet. I don’t miss it at all.

Petitioning the courts of Heaven
Petitioning the courts of Heaven

We’ve been burdened with the court case this week concerning Dr.George Tiller. I would have LOVED to be a part of the Silent Siege held outside of his Kansas abortion clinic this, but have been diligent to pray from my office and bedroom instead. I’ve just heard from Matt Lockett, leader of the ministry Bound4Life that “Most infamous late-term abortion provider found NOT GUILTY.”

God have mercy on America.