Superbowl 2011

Two years ago Superbowl Sunday found me in an apartment in Kansas City filled mostly with strangers, seated on a loveseat next to the guy I liked in that season of life. Looking back I would have deemed that a failure if not for the fact that I loved the game.

Last year Superbowl Sunday found me in a living room filled with crazy, preservative filled young men; temporary play-mates due to the guy pulling my heart strings in THAT season. Looking back I would have called that a failure also, except that I enjoy watching half crazed men watching sports.

I can not for the life of me remember who played either game, or who won.

The first half of Superbowl Sunday 2011 found me having dinner with Rose, a comrade from KC who migrated to F-burg last year. We spoke of life & hope, resurrection, my sister in laws pregnancy, the joy of the return of Christ &  when we will live in a city of all the Cultures that we love dwelling in perfect harmony. We ate food reminiscent of all the nameless pasta/grain dishes I ate in Turkey. It was glorious.

The second half of Superbowl Sunday 2011 finds me in my basement, mug in hand, buried in fantastic old-english style literature, devouring the books purchased yesterday. Next year, I will remember exactly what I did with myself on this day, who I was with & what book I read.

Then & now I call it a win.


the magic of words

Something happens to me after midnight. The hands on the clock line up & in that single magical moment, emotions & minutes just as suddenly become clear & words flood through my mind. My fingers itch for a  pen or more often these days, a key board.

Today was the March for Life, probably the 20th march I’ve been a participant in, but my first in the Capital. But I’ll not write about that now.

Right now I want to write about my planner. Yes yes, we live in the information/electronic age but I’ve not yet caught up to it, frankly I hope not to. Each year I purchase a paper planner within the first seven days of the new year. A few years back I settled into a rhythm of loving the Moleskin planner, (thank you Matt Lockett for the White People Love link, it’s true) but this year I couldn’t find one. Surprisingly in my search for a second best I struck gold.

Ok maybe you won’t care but I found the 2011 Songbird’s planner. Each week contains a picture of a different songbird. It’s beautiful, its prophetic, it’s animals….. I’m happy 🙂 Tucked away inside the front cover is about 15 pages of mostly useless, random information though, most of which has found itself torn out & happily residing in my recycling bin BUT…. some of it is strangely helpful such as the “Useful Foreign Phrases” page.

So to all of my Japanese readers “Watashi wa rikai shi te i nai” and to my french subscribers “Bonjour!”

Ok that was really just for Annie.

What’s really on my mind tonight is the idea that little changes are the hardest to reconcile & to move past. For example; tonight my sister was reading The Singer. I know because she kept tweeting quotes & I have most of the book written on my heart. This only bothered me because…. we read this book together. Correction, I read this book out loud to her, usually when she has a migraine or during our many Emergency Room Adventures.

The fact that she was reading the book is good, because it is a sure-fire way to stir up the heart of a Styles. But her reading it without me there? Well that hurts. And it stirs up a plethora of memories, because we don’t just read The Singer out loud, I read everything fantastic out loud to her. This list ranges from Miller’s books, the Chronicles of Narnia to excerpts from The Man who was Thursday. I read & get my dramatic out & she listens & gets the books in. So in a minute I was stepping though memories of hundreds of nights, different situations of us reading together.

It’s just what we do. It’s what we’ve always done. But this little life change, the moving half way across the country? Well it changes everything, instantly. I’m not there to read good books out loud to Kat at night & I’m not going to be. And even though everything changed the moment I stepped on the plane, it’s going to take a long time to fully adjust to those changes. I can even feel confident in saying that I won’t hardly have begun to adjust by the time she get’s married & we’ll start the process all over again.

While reading a tear-stained txt from her about missing me while reading that book today, my eyes flooded with tears & my soul whispered “remember”. And I gave that moment back to the Lord.

Everytime it costs to follow You, count it as my worship.

I will continue to set my heart to give every single costly minute, every single costly emotion back to the Lord & ask for Him to write it in His book as done out of a heart of love.

Someday that process might be easier, but maybe not. Since someday hasn’t come yet I really don’t know. But I’m determined to offer my body as a living sacrifice. It is my spiritual act of worship. It is my practical act of worship. The practical side now is calling my mind & heart to remember, & to do it for the glory of God. The spiritual side now is that He actually counts it when I don’t yet believe.

Twenty Two

For most of my life I have not liked to celebrate my birthday, but last summer I was SERIOUSLY looking forward to 22.

For one it was my Golden Birthday: 22 on the 22nd, and I praying that it would be a year of Isaiah 22.22,  ( Shawn Boltz has given a powerful prophecy related to Is.22.22 that may encourage many of your hearts.) Two, I had received several prophetic words that the next year was going to be a very important year for several reasons which had me pretty excited. And lastly, it’s just good to get through your twenties.

My birthday landed right in the middle of the 40 day fast leading up to TheCall DC. Katrina & I didn’t pause for celebration or feasting, instead choosing to press in on our fasting and prayers. My heart was FULL of expectancy of what God wanted to do at TheCall DC, TheCall California & in my life.

But right away, things did not go as planned 🙂 Both of TheCall’s were life-changing experiences, don’t get me wrong. But as I look back over this last year, the year I had so much excitement about in the natural & in my life in God, 22 may possibly have been the most confusing, painful & excruciatingly difficult year of my life. (Of course there is much detail wrapped up in that sentence that would be inappropriate to break open here) The funny thing is that as I think over the individual situations that come to mind when I say the last year has been “difficult”, I can identify God’s moving in each, &, every, one.

It’s amazing how He does that. How He truly teaches us through all things if we listen, how He leads us by the hand, though sometimes through muddy paths and on rocky cliffs. I honestly would not want to repeat most of what has happened in my life over the last year, yet I’m so so so grateful at the tenderness of Christ in the way that He carried me through. Jesus You are the kindest, most faithful man that I know.

Right now I could allow myself to step into a deeply emotional monologue regarding my year of “22” but Iiiiiiii’m just not going to. I can’t seem to blog romantically these days. Instead I will say that I have been listening to music lately, lots of different kinds of music. I have been spending much time alone, and also being intentional about building new friendships; reading books in the sunshine, staying up late, getting up late, exercising more & also eating more sugar. My nights have been spent outside on the porch rail watching the sky & talking to Jesus, writing,  eating ice cream with Nightwatch friends MUCH later than I should be awake, playing the guitar & burning sparklers.

I’m walking into a lot of closure related to the past year. It’s good and clean. And in a healthy way, I’m looking forward to 23, because it’s just good to get through your twenties, you know?

Today is the 22nd and my birthday is in a month. I have gleefully plugged my wish list, the tab to which you will find at the top of the page, on the social networking sites that I am unashamedly a part of. And maybe this year I’ll throw myself a party.

Probably not. But I’m glad to almost be 23.

Random Friday

Foot surgery was postponed….again. Much as I hate the thought of surgery and recovery, my feet hurt. Migraines have been bad the last 2 weeks as the weather keeps shifting dramatically, and I’ve realized I’m like an arthritic old woman whose pain is dramatically influenced by the weather, which is weird.

I have been SO excited to start my garden, and the only thing that has held back starting my seeds has been time. Now I’m glad because we have 8 INCHES OF SNOW in the forecast for this weekend! My peach tree is arrayed in the glory of full bloom, and this snow will kill all chances of fruit this year 😦

One of my supporters desperately needs to sell a house for nothing short of 2.2 million. All prayer appreciated.

Um….what else what else? I’m dreaming again, 2 serious dreams last week about the danger of holding onto seemingly small compromise, and the answer of throwing ourselves open handed into the mercy of God. It’s set my spirit trembling.

I’ve just borrowed a book about astronomy*(Thanks Jess) prophesying the gospel and I can’t WAIT to dig in!

Compassion International is on a campaign against the Global Food Crisis and for $13 you can feed a starving child for a month

I’ve rediscovered my love for Art Katz books, some of which can be downloaded for free.

Zack and Carrie Hensley are having a girl!! Z is an old friend from my first day’s on the Nightwatch here in Kansas City, and an excellent writer, if you don’t read his blog, you should 🙂

After deleting my facebook account I have enjoyed getting news about my friends from their lips….not the Internet. I don’t miss it at all.

Petitioning the courts of Heaven
Petitioning the courts of Heaven

We’ve been burdened with the court case this week concerning Dr.George Tiller. I would have LOVED to be a part of the Silent Siege held outside of his Kansas abortion clinic this, but have been diligent to pray from my office and bedroom instead. I’ve just heard from Matt Lockett, leader of the ministry Bound4Life that “Most infamous late-term abortion provider found NOT GUILTY.”

God have mercy on America.