All my little sisters

I’m the youngest of four. When I was very young I would plead with my mom to have more children and somewhere around the age of 8 she explained to me “Daddy and I…..can’t….have more babies.” That was the day I began to try and convince my parents to adopt.

I’ve been adopting for as long as I can remember. Sometimes because a younger boy or girl would work their way into my heart so intimately I would call them my own, sometimes because I knew the lost always need a home.  At 10 I told my mother that all of the orphans of Europe would be mine and I still believe it.

The Lord has blessed me with some  GREAT younger brothers but today I’m thinking about my sisters.

I met Natalie 4 years ago, she was 15 and drop dead gorgeous. I remember God telling me that she knew how to love well before I knew almost anything about her.  Nat is #4 of 13 kids and the oldest girl. She lays her life down day after day after day serving her parents and siblings. Ive watched her sit at a piano and usher the presence of the Lord into that massive house with her worship. Now she’s 19, still beautiful and one of my dearest friends. I’m thankful for the joy that explodes from her being and the way she teaches me to serve.

The first time I saw Annie she walked into TheCall house to attend our staff meeting and I knew 2 things: 1)She was very nervous and 2)I liked her. She worked her butt off volunteering for TheCall DC and TheCall CA, and I’m pretty sure we could have gotten in trouble with child labor laws, except she did it all out of love. That and she bakes a mean coconut cake! Annie spent the last year as my “late night friend”, joining in on nearly every one of my midnight urges to get icecream, or be ridiculous. I love the way I can startle her into laughter and how her hands move when she’s nervous. She is one of the classiest college freshman’s I’ve ever seen and her deep desire to dwell in the heart of Jesus inspires me daily.

But today, today I’m really thinking about Emily. Looong, brown hair, big dark brown eyes, I met Em 2 days after her family moved back from AL where she’d spent a year at The Ramp, and she just drank up the presence of God. She was 9, I had just done my internship at IHOP and she watched me like she could see into the depths of my soul. I learned healthy fear that summer, it drove me to spend very intentional, long times with Jesus from the fear that I wouldn’t know Him more than her. I came before the children of the church with real fear that I didn’t know Him enough to offer them anything.

Emily would watch me worship and dance beside me. Most often she could be found sitting at the altar of church with her eyes closed, just listening for the voice of the God who she loves. Sunday mornings I would come to church before the early morning prayer meeting and she would greet me at the door, wrap her arms around my waist and stay that way for an hour – wherever I went she’d just walk with me, arms around me listening to whatever I had to say or just sitting next to me.

One of the last conversations we had before I moved back to Kansas city went something like this,

Ms.Chris, when you record a cd can I have the first copy and will you sign it?

I don’t think I’m ever going to make a cd Em.

(insert pause as she considers this.)

Well, when you record a cd can I have the first copy and will you sign it?

I’d never met anyone who believed in me with such admiration and affection. She did ATC this summer and I literally couldn’t believe she was 13, so grown up, so beautiful and she still had that look that put the fear of God into me. All week she has been in KC and tonight sat by me during the renewal service, eyes closed just listening, and I followed her example. She leaned over at one point, laid her head on my shoulder and stayed there for about an hour as i quietly prayed over her, for the love of God to dwell in her heart.

My heart burns for young people to encounter God. I love children, I love teenagers and I will lay down my life for them to know the Lord of all Creation and be His friend. If living my life boldly before the eyes of God, doing everything out of the love for Him and giving everything inside of me to see revival come and the holiness of the Lord branded on the hearts of a generation will help to give them entrance into His heart than I will do it! I want to always live in a way that encourages them to love Him with everything. I want to burn with holy fire so that they can burn with holy fire. Amen!

Random #743

• The Lord has been pouring out His Spirit on the students of IHOPU, and the IHOP-KC family in a POWERFUL way for 7 days now. My heart alternately cry’s and marvels at the testimonies of dramatic deliverance happening in the hearts of men and women and the healings that are occurring literally every day. Many are being baptised and we are beginning to see salvation coming due to these funny (literally – uproarious laughter funny) meetings happening each night. If you have not heard of what is going on, that’s ok! You can watch from 6-midnight each night if you click here.
• Every night after 6 hours of ministering to those responding to the different alter calls and alternately being ministered to, I find myself ravenously hungry. After a few nights of going out to eat with some friends we decided instead to take turns cooking providing the crew with 1)food 2)the ability to NOT waste cash at Buffalo Wild Wings 5x a week and 3) good old-fashioned, sitting round the table community. It’s been good for my soul. We eat and laugh and continue to talk about Jesus and fellowship together in His Spirit. There is nothing like the community of the brethren.
• I am watching my friends come alive. No really, I am watching their hearts being completely healed, set free and set ablaze with life and the love of God and they are seriously like new beings. Surely we are living in days of watching the New Birth.
• Due to all of this, I’m finding myself more tired, more thirsty and more hungry than usual. With 6 hours of ministry at the end of each day I have also found myself eating less, cleaning less, sleeping less and today I was “clean-clothes-less”. SO, I took tonight off, ran a BUNCH of errands, got groceries and other things that I needed, gave the dog a well over due bath and did my laundry. An old pastor of mine used to say “Sometimes the most spiritual thing that you can do is take a nap.”
• For those experiencing this exciting “Awakening” here’s a few tips from Joanna: Drink lots of water, get lots of rest, and if your lower back hurts drink cranberry juice. She has a great post about this, and you can read it here.
• This season has brought about a burst of community literally like none I’ve ever experienced in my life and I am very, very grateful for it. Why is this happen, and why now? I don’t really know, except that the timing of the Lord is perfect, and i began to notice dramatic changes after a time of deep digging, repentance and forgiveness towards those who have hurt me in the distant and not so distant past.
• I’ve been volunteering on the weekends with Student Ministries, just showing up, praying and getting to know some of the kids. Most of you know I spent 4 years working for a large youth ministry and really love teenagers. BUUUUT, that was 5 years ago and I have had to have the Lord deal with real fear and pain in my heart to even think about stepping back into this game. I’m thankful that He is faithful to my heart and has done so much healing inside and in just the right time! The last few weeks have been much busier than my already packed normal schedule, but I’m thankful for it.
• Onething planning has hit. I’m trying to stifle the anxiety of paperwork, schedules, purchase orders and SO.MANY.DETAILS. and am trying to remind myself to pray for the thousands who will come at the end of the year to receive from the Lord in our annual conference. And I have an added reason to look forward to Onething this year because…
• I’m quitting my job, and Onething is the end of my year of serving for the Media Department here at IHOP-KC. I have truly loved serving the men and women who work so tirelessly for this missions base and the nations of the world as they broadcast through the webstream, but am ready to get out from behind a desk. This is a happy transition for me on several levels, one of them being…
• I’m going to JHOP-DC in January. (insert hick accent) YUP I FINALLY FREAKING SAID IT ON THE INTERNET. My plan is to visit the House of Prayer in Washington DC for a time, strengthening their prayer room and laboring in long hours of prayer for revival in America. This may  not sound like a break after the last year, and it’s not. BUT the Lord has offered me a clean page for 2010 and I’m excited to write on it. (More on this later)
• Tonight, I’m listening to the Redemption Songs by Jars of Clay and Dan Haseltine’s voice reminds me of my friend Tim Cone. You should visit his website or myspace and give him money so he can keep recording Jesus Music and give it away free.
• FALL IS HERE AND IT IS CURRENTLY MY FAVORITE SEASON!! Egg Nog, Egg Nog Latte’s, Egg Nog Ice Cream, Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake, Pretty leaves, fires, sweatshirts and scarves, apple cider and hot tea and THANKSGIVING. Candles, Baking, Friends and Family *sigh*
• My grandparents are driving from Texas to spend Thanksgiving in KC this year, since my brother and sister-in-law (Jeremy & Jen) are moving to Fredericksburg VA in January to serve the Prayer Furnace there.
• The suddenly cold is causing my surgeried foot problems and I would appreciate your prayers. The limp is back strong, some mobility seems to be lost and pain that was gone has crept back in.
• I’ve been so encouraged to have the word of God written on my heart due to my buddy Truman coming in 2nd in the Nation at this fall’s Bible Bee! Read about it here and be thoroughly convicted to know God
• It’s frustrating to me that because I am not in a relationship people either 1)think that I’m bitter or 2)Think that I’m “consecrated for life”. Why is it not ok and healthy for a young person to be content with their life being single? My friend Alyssa has shared hours of conversations regarding singleness and baaad ways to start relationships – living in a community whose dynamics resemble a small town yet focus’ on passion, intensity and not so much….friendship and normalcy causes….interesting things to happen. As for me, I am happy and will continue to encourage young people to not aimlessly date.
• I am just link happy tonight! Click click click away!! Visit my friends blogs, read their cool stuff, and if you want to give them money because they are all missionaries and all hurting!! Bahahhahah!!
• And with that, it’s 1.25 am, I just ate leftover Tomato Phillo Pizza that I baked for the after service crew the other night along with a glass of egg nog and I’m sleepy.

The End!

My lapse of blogging has resulted in a lapse of readers. Go figure. Fear not friends! Thoughts come tonight!

Grateful

Most of the time I have no problems living on a missionary’s salary, but there are definitely moments when it is difficult; when I fight to push off anxiety and cling to faith that my Father is God, and He always cares for His children. The last few months have been like that.

There’s some sort of weird spiritual pattern with my family, whenever we are under attack we always see it first in our vehicles. A while back a window was broken out of the car that Kat and I share and two weeks later, the starter and battery went out. We bought a battery immediately but had to wait for the next payday to buy a starter. There was a little conversation between us and lots of prayer, wondering how we could squeeze enough money together to pay for the part and labor. All throughout the days I found myself whispering “please fix our car Lord, please cover us” and within a week an envelope showed up in our mailbox simply labeled “For your car” with almost the total amount of the part. Our mechanic friend installed it but something else seems to be wrong and we’re waiting for my Papa to come next weekend and get it up and running. In the meantime we’ve been lent a vehicle to use. My God is Faithful.

Then my wisdom teeth starting causing problems and the pain pretty much took me out for 4 days. Between migraines and the problems with the bones in my feet – I’ve learned to work with pain, but even Vicadin gave me no relief from this! With no insurance and again, no extra finances I fought fear and rising anxiety about what to do, day in and day out praying “break in, fix it! Take the pain, or bring the finances but You have to act on my behalf!” and after four days, over night the pain lifted. My God is Faithful.

The car is still not fixed, and my mouth still needs to be looked at for sure, but I can not tell you the incredible ammount of gratitude that has been in my heart for the way that the Lord has responded. Still I have prayed, over and over again for the last few weeks “Father provide, provide, provide”. There are moments when I’m overwhelmed wondering what we are going to do with the cold weather coming in and Kat’s and my different schedules, wondering what was wrong in my mouth causing the pain, wondering if I need to get a weekend job to provide for the unexpected bills and my upcoming bills *big post coming soon* while knowing I don’t have the physical or emotional capacity to do that. But I have fought to live and walk in faith, and with deep breaths and some times a few tears I wisper “Father provide!”

This last week I received a phone call from a family friend informing me that he had spoken with one of the best dentist’s back home, and that he was going to do the xray of my mouth for free. Barring any complications he will also remove my wisdom teeth….for free. My Father is faithful.

At that point of the conversation I sat down and nearly hyperventilated. He then informed me that as an early christmas present to katrina and I, he wanted to cover whatever costs were left over to get the car fixed. After hearing me shakily tell him I didn’t know if there was anything else needing to be replaced he paused and asked with amusement “Didn’t your window get broken out?” to which I responded “oh…..does that have to be fixed?”

My Father is faithful, and I am grateful! So grateful for the way that He shows His love for us when we trust in Him!! If I was wealthy and had all of my needs and wants met as soon as they arose, even then it would still be true that it was all provided for by Him. But living a fasted lifestyle, raising support so that I can stay in the house of the Lord, I am given the honor and opportunity to feed on His faithfulness.

Thank You Jesus for always providing for the needs that arise. I’m thankful that I didn’t go hungry today and I won’t go hungry tomorrow all because of Your great love and provision for me. Thank You for the journey of learning to trust and to follow You.

Every New Day Seems So New

The hope of every believer in Jesus Christ lies in the Resurrection. That there was a man, that he died completely and was buried, and three day’s later his dead lungs filled and he lived. He Lives.  And we are those who have died and been made new, we are those who will never die, those who will live again.

So I have always been in love with stories and songs of new life. As a teenager my favorite band was…..wait for it…..waaaait for it……Five Iron Frenzy. They had amazing music (hold your sarcasm!) and hands down the best song that they ever wrote was  Every New Day.

When I was young the smallest trick of light would catch my eye and life was new and every new day I thought that I could fly. I believed in what I hoped for, and I hoped in things unseen. I had wings and dreams could soar, I just don’t feel like flying anymore (skip to the end) Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever. Freedom means love without condition, without a beginning or an end. Here’s my heart, let it be forever Yours, only You can make every new day seem so new

I literally have listened to that song hundreds of times. Literal hours on repeat, singing and dancing to the trumpet filled tunes of a life made new, made young, made magical by the unconditional love of Christ that breaks the bonds and sets the prisoner free.

When I was 20 my brother Nate made me watch the movie Equilibrium with him and I sobbed at the brilliant display of a man coming to life for the first time. Seriously, people ranted and raved about the portrayal of emotions in the cinematography of the new Pride and Prejudice, but that movie held NOTHING on the raw emotion portrayed in Equilibrium. I know that to the pure all things are pure, and maybe it’s simply that a heart that beats out of love for Jesus will find His story, and their own, wrapped inside of any similar portrayal. Maybe I had less conviction when I saw it, I do remember it was a little violent, but I loved Jesus more that night after watching, and this night as I remember.

*Disclaimer: I do not subscribe to the idea that entertainment is fine and we find Jesus in every movie we see. And I hate that I just put this disclaimer on my blog*

A few years ago someone gave me a copy of Calvin Miller’s The Singer and I still cry every single time I read the tale of the individual lives being completely made new due to the sudden introduction of one Man.

But tonight, the reason for all of this mad chain of thoughts is that I have been reading to Anina The Giver. Lois Lowry did not write a book about salvation, but there are powerful lessons in the pages about the power of choice and a beautiful (though slightly juvenile) tale of a soul coming to life. We’ve cried more than once through the reading, both happy and sad tears. And this has led to my introducing a new category of post: Every New Day. Dedicated to FIF this will include moments that remind us to enjoy the gifts that God has given to us. Simple excerpts of things that run through my brain, cause my soul to pause in the caos and love Jesus and living a little more. Like this:

How could you describe a sled without describing a hill and snow to someone who had never felt height or wind or that feathery, magical cold?

Even trained for years as they all had been in the precision of language, what words could you use which would give another the experience, of sunshine.

-The Giver, Lois Lowry

Alligators

Writing this post I had to seriously refrain from putting about 4 empty lines between each paragraph. I wanted to somehow make you read it the way I wrote it; slowly and with long thoughtful pauses.

Growing up in Omaha I was spoiled when it came to the zoo. The Henry Doorly Zoo is the place where dreams make noises, startling you with unbelievable reality. Each year we bought a family pass and even as we grew none of us lost our love for it. For a season I worked mornings downtown and many afternoons called me to the wonder of the zoo.  After wandering through the jungle, the dessert, the arctic and a myriad of caves I’d park myself on some bench with a book hoping a peacock would wander past, or spend a bagillion quarters feeding the monster goldfish in the lake.

When I heard about the Kansas City Zoo I made zero attempt to go and about two years went by before I found myself with a few friends exploring it’s long trails.  Drifting slowly through Africa I managed to lose them and wandered into the Alligator house. I use the word “house” loosely. It’s a cement shed and one wall is a large tank of water with 2 large lizards in it. The tank is hardly big enough for the two of them to be in, let alone turn around or swim or do anything for that matter, and they just floated there, sometimes blinking, not swimming, not moving at all.

I stood there for a moment, slightly uneasy at how close I was to them, how big they are and easy it would be for them to climb over that low glass window and eat me, but the longer I watched  the longer they lay there lifeless and that feeling was slowly exchanged with compassion. Those huge glorious beasts were never meant to be in that tiny glass tank. *insert strangeness* Watching them I began to realize, they know it. They know they were not made to be there, hatched and raised in a cage SOMETHING in them still KNOWS they are wild, they were MEANT to be wild and do wild and scary large lizard things. They know that something is wrong, and somewhere inside of their large scaly hearts they LONG for someone to fix it. And they know that someone will.

Right there in that tiny room I began to cry, soul aching, heart breaking, gut wrenching tears for the return of Jesus, maybe like I never had before that moment. Staring at those creatures all I could think was that all of creation was groaning in it’s knowing that everything is drastically, desperately wrong and all of creation knows that someone has to fix it. But I don’t. 99.9% of the time I am not desperate for Jesus to come with Justice in His hands and right all of the wrongs, creation itself is in a state of living understanding that my eternal soul is not and I wept in raw longing “Oh Jesus You have to come back, You have to come back”

Tonight we talked about Hebrews 11. 13-16. We live as refugees bound to the laws of a homeland we’ve never even seen. Joshua spoke of the longing in the hearts of the Patriarchs and of the 1st century church ” They knew beyond everything in this earth that they were not home, Eden was not so far removed from them that they had forgotten it.”

Have you ever felt like you just didn’t belong? It’s funny how in a room full of strangers one can feel naked, and hardly more comforted in a room full of familiar faces. There is a thing, an overwhelming sensation that rises up in our hearts in the most inconvenient moments. A literal cry, a longing that comes from somewhere, it feels like deep inside and it rises, washing over and taking over every thought that had been in your mind. You know if you’ve felt it. Many times I’ve confused it in insecurity, shortcomings or brokenness and run to a lonely place where I feed on the pain and nurse the ache, believing lies about the heart that the Lord of all Creation so dearly loves. But it’s not that, it’s something much much more deeper than not feeling comfortable in a room full of people, feeling exposed or insecure. We’ve lost our home.

But we don’t stay lost. Hallelujah, we don’t stay lost! Listen listen, Amazing Grace: how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like ME, I once was LOST. But now I’m found. I have been found. No longer hopelessly, desperately lost, I have been found. Jonathan David Helser sings a song about a friends baby who died in the womb. While playing his piano one day God allowed him to hear into heaven the song that this child was singing.

“Momma can you hear me? Daddy can you feel me? I’m made whole, I’m at home…Don’t stop holding on”

This is the longing that overwhelms, drives to tears, removes our appetites and consumes our minds; Jerusalem. The City of David where we will live forever, where we will be whole, where we will be home. Josh wrapped up tonight talking of the pain in the journey, the lonely life of a pilgrim but brought us to hope “after He rids us of the desire for all other lovers, all other lust, all other hungers He brings us into the promise.”

The room was silent for just one second before someone quietly said “We’re going home.”

This is good news. We’re going home.

Songwriting

Working on some song lyrics and just can’t get them out of my head, so I thought I’d share Truly I can take no credit, it’s scripture and based off a prayer leaders oracle the other day. Look at what I’ve got so far and give me some thoughts if the Spirit inspires you!

You thought I was altogether like you,you thought I would respond the way you do.

Because you run out of forgiveness, and you run out of mercy, and you draw lines for men to live in, and you thought I would respond the way you do.

But My love is like an ocean you can drown in, My love is like an ocean you can drown in, it has no bottom no shoreline where it ends.

A practical post

Our car is broken, and it is very sad. For some time we have needed to get a ball joint replaced, two weeks ago someone busted in our back side window, and one week ago the starter and battery kicked the dust leaving us quite immobile. The battery was purchased immediately, but the starter had to wait until Kat and I got paid this last week, and until our friend and mechanic can get to it :/ BUT yesterday morning, we discovered an envelope with $119 in the mailbox. Devoid of any sort of signature it simply said “For your car.” I’m humbled each time I think of it, and have cried a couple of times in thankfulness. This is about 1/3 of what we need to get the car totally fixed and I keep thinking of Psalm 119,

Give thanks to the Lord for He is GOOD, His love endures forever

It is 8am on Sunday morning; I have been awake since 6.30 and I am in pain. My wisdom teeth have been working their way in for sometime and I’d decided to simply live with them, but yesterday convinced me otherwise.

I had two weddings to attend and in the rush of getting ready began to notice increasing pain on the left side. In between weddings I took some migraine medicine to handle it, but by 9.45pm I was home, in bed and hardly functional. I had used Ibuprophen and Orajel and by 10.15 they had kicked in and brought much needed relief, but my left cheek is quite swollen and I’m not quite sure what to do about the whole situation.

Here is my dilemma:

1. I don’t have insurance
2. The car needs to be fixed
3. The Dog AND Cat SERIOUSLY need to go to the vet
4. *Spoiler Warning* I’m praying about a temporary move that will not take place for a few months, but will require a significant increase in my financial support
5. It’s almost November, and I don’t think I can take 2 weeks off of work before Onething
6. This cancels any chance of my getting to MN this year to visit Shelley

Prayers and Suggestions are greatly appreciated at this point.

When Jesus Returns

What do I think that life will be like when Jesus returns? I think it will be life, without longing.

In the moments when my heart loves Jesus the most, when the overflow washes over and refreshes my soul and I wonder how I could ever do anything but love Him with all of my heart….I find myself longing. Longing to love Him more, to see more, to feel more of His heart. Even when I love Him the most I long for more.

In the moment when situations work out and the friends show up and I find myself the most happy, I find myself longing. On roadtrips with the best of friends, blaring music and singing at the top of our lungs, eating dumb food and loving the road, the roadtrip games, the time together, the plans were embarking on, the song etc, I find myself thinking things like “If I could just remember this moment forever!!” because I know that times  come often when I need to remember joy, companionship and movement. And I long for the “good times” to never end.

I have heard of love and falling in love, of the journey of being captivated and wooed, the following marriage plans and glorious weddings that lead into years of married life and women (probably men too) who look back with pain on the years when they felt cherished by their spouse.

Then practically; the cold hits, and instantly I am longing for summer. This summer while working in my little office I often found myself dreaming of swimming, grilling and fishing. On Tuesdays after a couple of hours in the prayer room I begin to crave food. At the end of the day I crawl into my cold sheets and long for warmth. Lately I’ve found myself looking excitedly toward the future, and also lamenting details of the now that I will painfully miss when the future become now.

And all I can think is that when You come back, we are fully satisfied. No confusion, no pain, no hunger, no lack and no longing. You are the Son, our Song, our Love and our Whole. No more longing, no more thinking of other times, of better things or something else that we can try to make us feel complete. You are our complete. I long for the day of no longing.

Smith Wigglesowrth prophecied of the youth movement

When Lester Sumrall was forced to leave Europe at the beginning of the second world war, he went to his spiritual father Smith Wigglesworth to say goodbye. Smith Wigglesworth was an older man, and Sumrall said that he never met a single other person in his home, there were no lines waiting to get the faith of Smith Wigglesworth. There had been lines to receive healing, but there were no lines to get his faith.

During their tearful goodbye he sad that Wigglesworth’s eyes began to burn, like Elijah when he saw the chariots coming from heaven, and he said,

I want to tell you somehing. Oh I see it! I see revival coming to planet earth, maybe as never before. It will be untold numbers and untold, uncounted multitudes that will be saved. No man will say ’so many so many’ because nobody will be able to count those that will come to Jesus. The dead will be raised, the arthritic will be healed, cancer will be healed. No disease would be able to stand before God’s people, it will be all over the world. Ot would be a worldwide situation, a worldwide thrust of God’s power. I will not see it. But you shall see it.

There was another young man who testified of Wigglesworth prophesying that a time was coming when there would be great signs and wonders as a revival. And there would be a time of great teaching of the Word. There would come a great revival at the end of times when signs and wonders and teachings would be combined together.

Sound familiar friends? Let’s get serious, and let’s get excited.